They say time heals all wounds, maybe that is true or maybe we just learn how to live and continue to go on in our lives without a part that used to be so vital to you.
It's been 4 months since I lost my best friend, role model, and my mom all in one. Mom, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write to you again. Sometimes I cannot find the courage to write or the strength you'd like me to have to get through. But I woke up this morning missing you extra and thought that now was as good as any to write again.
It's been a weird summer, most days are rainy, which only seems fit because when you were around the sun was instantly out. You brought serotonin into any environment you walked into. Maybe nature knows that it is just not the same without you here. I went to Florida a couple weeks ago with your favorite person, I don't even have to say her name but just say the one you would constantly text whenever I was having boy issues or just issues in general. So basically, you would text her every night… It was so beautiful out there and the beach was relaxing. It really made me miss our summer beach trips where you and Mia would go deep into the ocean and make Dad and I a nervous reck. Speaking of Mia, we just celebrated her 17th birthday, she tried to make the best of it, but she misses you like hell mom. We all do. Other than going to Florida this summer I have been constantly working, working out and spending time with my friends. I've learned that keeping busy helps keep me on track. Sure, I have had days where all I want to do is lay in bed, not move and shut the world out. But then I remember that is not what you would have wanted for your baby girl. Dad has been doing the best he could do. He works every day and spends a lot of time with his friends. He has been so strong through all of this and I applaud him for the way he carries himself, after losing the love of his life and mother of his 6 children. I wish I was able to just call you and tell you all of this but sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it too.
I want you to know that I am doing okay. Not good, not bad, but okay. Because truth is, I will never be as happy as I once was, and that's not anyone's fault. There was once a point where I was mad at everyone and everything, mainly god for taking you away. I questioned his will and had lots of anger towards him. But as time went on, I realized that god only choses the most beautiful flowers out of the garden to keep with him. He saw how much pain you were in and could not bear to watch you suffer anymore. And I am so grateful that he let me spend your last week of life with you. I thought I was mature when you were on this earth, but I can honestly say that losing you made me more of a woman than I could have ever thought I could be at the age of 20. I work my ass off every day, just to prove to everyone that I am indeed Dawn Ruby's daughter. You showed me that the only way you will ever be successful in life is that you do it for you and not for someone else's attention or to someone's liking. As the days go by, I will try my best to keep moving with my head held high. I can't promise you that its always going to be a walk in the park, but I will try my best because that is what you want from me. I'm not going to bore you anymore because I'm sure you're keeping busy up there in heaven with papa, uncle timmy, dana, and Denise. I just wanted to write to you for a little because it has been so long, and again I am sorry for that. But I will say it again and never stop saying it. I miss you so so much and love you even more. And I cannot wait for the day we meet again and you hold me in your arms like you used to. I'll talk to you soon mom.
Love,
Your Baby Girl.
