I really did it, folks. I shaved my whole head.
I've never had a positive relationship with my hair. When I was very little, my sister and I would lock ourselves in the bathroom and she would cut all of my hair off. When I got a little older and my mother started hiding the scissors, my hair got longer. I was never really a girly-girl, and it showed any time I had to do my hair by myself. I constantly wore my hear in buns, ponytails, and sloppy braids. In middle school, I began to dye, cut and straighten my hair. I usually did this by myself or with inexperienced friends, so I spent a lot of time looking like a hot mess. After my sophomore year, I cut my hair short. Then I began to experiment with shaving parts of it.
I never felt more free.
However, my hair started to thin out and break. It was falling out and I couldn't do anything about it. This was when I bought my first wig. I wore wigs for about six months, but I really hated all of the intense upkeep and the stress on the hair I had left.
When I stopped wearing wigs, my hair started to get a little healthier. As it started to grow, everyone told me how much prettier I looked and how good I would look when my hair got as long as my wigs were. I appreciated the compliments, but at the same time they hurt. Why wasn't I good enough with short hair? Would boys really find me unattractive if I didn't have long, full, bombshell curls?
The short answer? Kind of. I definitely noticed that boys didn't like my short hair. There were however, guys that could look past it. But still, that wasn't good enough for me. I felt trapped. I loved my short hair, so why didn't everyone else?
Then I realized something that changed the way I thought about my hair: it's just hair! I know that sounds a little trivial, but think about it. I allowed my hair to be the biggest point of stress in my personal life. I was constantly worried about what other people thought when they looked at me. I couldn't see that hair shouldn't be a deciding factor in someone deciding to value me as a human or not. I am worth more than the small strands of keratin and other elements that come out of the top of my head.
So when my hair began to fall out in large patches a few weeks ago, I didn't cry. Okay, that's a lie... I cried a little. But I realized that I am the same person with or without hair. My hair is just a small part of me. And now that there are so many beautiful women like Halsey, Jessie J, and Cara Delevigne rocking buzzcuts, I had a Pinterest board full of inspiration.
That is precisely why I am rocking the buzzcut. I look really, really, really cute if I do say so myself. My boyfriend can't stop rubbing my soft head and telling me how beautiful I look. I have never felt so empowered in my whole entire life.
