I know we have all heard the expression that the nice guy always finishes last, and it seems to me that we have all accepted this expression with grace. For me, however, this expression is something I have always struggled with--and probably will continue to struggle with it. It will never make sense to me that the kindest people will always be treated the worst, but throughout this long season of my life I have realized a lot of things but one thing that has stuck out to me is that I have learned to accept one simple thing.

Nice people will finish last, there is no getting around that but the simple thing that I realized is that IT'S OKAY. Now, it took me years to come to and accept this conclusion and I still wrestle with it on a daily basis. It just doesn't make sense to me that I wouldn't hesitate to take a bullet for those who wouldn't even flinch at the sound of a gun being cocked to my head, sounds intense right? This is how intensely I have felt about this.

I used to and sometimes still do drive myself crazy with the questions of why does the world work this way? Why do the nice people finish last? How is this fair? Why did God make the world this way? Doesn't He know its unfair? Doesn't He see how much I'm hurting over this?

I mean these questions have haunted me forever and I never thought I was going to be able to escape them. Although some days are better than others these thoughts have retreated into the dusty corners of my brain and only coming crawling out when I let hopelessness rush in and shut God out.

This realization came from reading the book The Shack by William P. Young, if you haven't read this book I highly recommend it, it honestly changed my life. In the book, Young explains in a chapter that perhaps when all you see is your pain that you lose sight of God. That single idea has completely wrecked me. He was right, all these years I have been blaming God for anything bad that has ever happened to me, therefore losing sight of who God truly is and deciding only to see my own pain. If only everyone could see it this way, we would all be saved.

Two weeks ago I was in my bed when I let those questions come crawling out again. I just began weeping because I still couldn't understand why God was letting me struggle with the weight of never being enough. Why do I give my heart on a silver platter to anyone who needs it just to have it come back broken?

I prayed and prayed for Jesus to show me the answer and this is when He spoke to me. I was praying in the midst of tears telling God that I have given my everything to anyone I have ever met. I have given them my shoulder to cry on, I have given them my hand to hold, I have given them every ounce of me to fill the emptiness they happened to be feeling in that exact moment, yet the minute they are whole again they leave me in half. Jesus spoke two words to me that night that have completely changed my thought process and outlook on this certain subject.

In the midst of my tears I heard the words "It's okay." At first, I was frustrated with that answer...how could it be okay? As I let that thought linger for a couple days, Jesus spoke to me again. It was in Bible study and the pastor spoke about how people pray for what they want and then get mad at God for giving it to them. He said people pray for patience all the time but the moment their patience is tested, they blame God for the inconvenience.

For years I prayed for God to let me be a sponge for anyone else's pain. Let me be the one to absorb their hurt even if that leaves me with nothing. I prayed for the strength to be the one they turn to in a season of confusion and heartache. SEND ME, I prayed, and that's exactly what He did. He let me be the rock for so many people to lean on and although it's not easy to be the rock its okay to be the rock. It's more than okay. its okay to be there for people who aren't there for you, Its okay to forgive when people don't deserve your forgiveness, its okay to be a friend when needed and still be a friend when not. You may feel used but it will be okay.

God has no empty promises, and if He says it is okay then it will be okay. All other questions will be answered when He wants them to be answered. I have found so much comfort in knowing that even though it may feel like its never going to be okay God has promised so much joy and in that promise, I will trust. In the promises of heaven I will believe in and in Jesus my hope will always lay.

So it's okay to finish last because finishing last in this world means nothing to where you will place in God's kingdom. Give your heart to those who don't deserve it, continue to give love to those who have broken your heart, and be the rock for those who only come to steadied themselves just to leave when they find their footing again. It's what Jesus has done for us and His sacrifice gave us abundant life, so live abundantly.