I'm Almost 19 And I Have Never Been On A Date, And I'm At Peace With That
Politics and Activism

I'm Almost 19 And I Have Never Been On A Date, And I'm At Peace With That

I want to feel good about myself before I date someone.


Yes, I am almost 19 and have never been on a date, let alone ever having a boyfriend.

When I tell people this, they go like, "Really?!?!?! You have never been on a date?" or "Why haven't you? Is it because your family doesn't allow you to?" or my close friends like to say "Get a Tinder!" I tend to avoid answering questions about my love life because it is not that interesting and well, there's nothing really to talk about.

Being in my religion and culture, people tend to think that I don't date because I'm not allowed to.

Although this may be true, I know my family secretly wants to find a guy and date and maybe get a boyfriend. Trust me, they have questioned me.

"So find a guy yet? You can tell me if you get a boyfriend, I won't tell your mom" is what my aunts would ask me. Honestly, I don't like telling my parents every single detail about my life, so my aunts are pretty much out of the picture. Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is, but I'm starting to feel pressured to date and find a guy now that I'm in college.

One of the reasons why I haven't been on a date is because no one asked me and I have never had the guts to ask anyone.

I am a very cliché person so I want to bump into a cute guy and flirt a little back and forth and exc., so using Tinder is out for me. To me, dating has become like a game and it's not something I want to do. I'm not saying Tinder or any dating app is bad, I'm saying it's not for me. I am very old fashioned so I want to meet the guy for the first time in person (not a dating app) and have it go on from there. Another reason would be because of how I feel about myself.

I want to feel good about myself before I date someone.

Not just physically, mentally and emotionally. I want to be happy before I can have someone else make me happy. Loving yourself is key for self-care. I like to think that loving yourself first and then loving someone else is actually important. I don't mean to sound narcissistic or demeaning or selfish, but you need to love yourself before you can let someone else love you or you love someone else.

I am all about being in a relationship and all but you need to prove to yourself that you are a strong, independent woman who does not need a man to fulfill your every demand. You got this. Having a relationship is important, but so are you and your necessities.

I guess my culture plays a role in my love life.

Dating isn't illegal in my culture, but it is frowned upon by many people in my culture. For example, if you, a single 19-year-old girl, brought a guy at any social event, or the other way around BAM!

Women gather together in their small groups and start gossiping about you and the men, well, they drink and not pay attention to anything. Some women in my culture have the need to meddle into other people's business and think it's appropriate to talk about others lives as if they have lived it.

I was taught that having a boyfriend at a young age was bad and my parents would be ashamed of me if I did.

I was also told that "Guys don't like fat girls" so obviously the people teaching me these things are immature and uneducated. I used to think that people dating at a young age was wrong too. But, then I grew up and went to high school and realized that it's not wrong or shameful, it's just what people do for fun and because they want to find love. It's hard to explain this to some Indian people, however, and that's many Indian teens (and even adults if your parents are really strict) date others in secret. I'm not bashing on my culture, but a lot of people in it need to know that it's okay for their children to grow up and date and trust that they will find good people for themselves.

I have never had a first date or a first boyfriend.

For me, it's normal and whatever because honestly, I'm not ready. Someday though, I would love to have a first date and a boyfriend and be happy and not forced to find someone.

For everyone out there that feels my pain, don't let your family, friends, or society rush you to date or find an SO if you are not ready.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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