I'm Almost 19 And I Have Never Been On A Date, And I'm At Peace With That

I'm Almost 19 And I Have Never Been On A Date, And I'm At Peace With That

I want to feel good about myself before I date someone.
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Yes, I am almost 19 and have never been on a date, let alone ever having a boyfriend.

When I tell people this, they go like, "Really?!?!?! You have never been on a date?" or "Why haven't you? Is it because your family doesn't allow you to?" or my close friends like to say "Get a Tinder!" I tend to avoid answering questions about my love life because it is not that interesting and well, there's nothing really to talk about.

Being in my religion and culture, people tend to think that I don't date because I'm not allowed to.

Although this may be true, I know my family secretly wants to find a guy and date and maybe get a boyfriend. Trust me, they have questioned me.

"So find a guy yet? You can tell me if you get a boyfriend, I won't tell your mom" is what my aunts would ask me. Honestly, I don't like telling my parents every single detail about my life, so my aunts are pretty much out of the picture. Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is, but I'm starting to feel pressured to date and find a guy now that I'm in college.

One of the reasons why I haven't been on a date is because no one asked me and I have never had the guts to ask anyone.

I am a very cliché person so I want to bump into a cute guy and flirt a little back and forth and exc., so using Tinder is out for me. To me, dating has become like a game and it's not something I want to do. I'm not saying Tinder or any dating app is bad, I'm saying it's not for me. I am very old fashioned so I want to meet the guy for the first time in person (not a dating app) and have it go on from there. Another reason would be because of how I feel about myself.

I want to feel good about myself before I date someone.

Not just physically, mentally and emotionally. I want to be happy before I can have someone else make me happy. Loving yourself is key for self-care. I like to think that loving yourself first and then loving someone else is actually important. I don't mean to sound narcissistic or demeaning or selfish, but you need to love yourself before you can let someone else love you or you love someone else.

I am all about being in a relationship and all but you need to prove to yourself that you are a strong, independent woman who does not need a man to fulfill your every demand. You got this. Having a relationship is important, but so are you and your necessities.

I guess my culture plays a role in my love life.

Dating isn't illegal in my culture, but it is frowned upon by many people in my culture. For example, if you, a single 19-year-old girl, brought a guy at any social event, or the other way around BAM!

Women gather together in their small groups and start gossiping about you and the men, well, they drink and not pay attention to anything. Some women in my culture have the need to meddle into other people's business and think it's appropriate to talk about others lives as if they have lived it.

I was taught that having a boyfriend at a young age was bad and my parents would be ashamed of me if I did.

I was also told that "Guys don't like fat girls" so obviously the people teaching me these things are immature and uneducated. I used to think that people dating at a young age was wrong too. But, then I grew up and went to high school and realized that it's not wrong or shameful, it's just what people do for fun and because they want to find love. It's hard to explain this to some Indian people, however, and that's many Indian teens (and even adults if your parents are really strict) date others in secret. I'm not bashing on my culture, but a lot of people in it need to know that it's okay for their children to grow up and date and trust that they will find good people for themselves.

I have never had a first date or a first boyfriend.

For me, it's normal and whatever because honestly, I'm not ready. Someday though, I would love to have a first date and a boyfriend and be happy and not forced to find someone.

For everyone out there that feels my pain, don't let your family, friends, or society rush you to date or find an SO if you are not ready.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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I'm The Girl Who'd Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign

You raise your protest picket signs and I’ll raise my white picket fence.
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Social Media feeds are constantly filled with quotes on women's rights, protests with mobs of women, and an array of cleverly worded picket signs.

Good for them, standing up for their beliefs and opinions. Will I be joining my tight-knit family of the same gender?

Nope, no thank you.

Don't get me wrong, I am not going to be oblivious to my history and the advancements that women have fought to achieve. I am aware that the strides made by many women before me have provided us with voting rights, a voice, equality, and equal pay in the workforce.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Who Would Rather Raise A Family Than A Feminist Protest Sign

For that, I am deeply thankful. But at this day in age, I know more female managers in the workforce than male. I know more women in business than men. I know more female students in STEM programs than male students. So what’s with all the hype? We are girl bosses, we can run the world, we don’t need to fight the system anymore.

Please stop.

Because it is insulting to the rest of us girls who are okay with being homemakers, wives, or stay-at-home moms. It's dividing our sisterhood, and it needs to stop.

All these protests and strong statements make us feel like now we HAVE to obtain a power position in our career. It's our rightful duty to our sisters. And if we do not, we are a disappointment to the gender and it makes us look weak.

Weak to the point where I feel ashamed to say to a friend “I want to be a stay at home mom someday.” Then have them look at me like I must have been brain-washed by a man because that can be the only explanation. I'm tired of feeling belittled for being a traditionalist.

Why?

Because why should I feel bad for wanting to create a comfortable home for my future family, cooking for my husband, being a soccer mom, keeping my house tidy? Because honestly, I cannot wait.

I will have no problem taking my future husband’s last name, and following his lead.

The Bible appoints men to be the head of a family, and for wives to submit to their husbands. (This can be interpreted in so many ways, so don't get your panties in a bunch at the word “submit”). God specifically made women to be gentle and caring, and we should not be afraid to embrace that. God created men to be leaders with the strength to carry the weight of a family.

However, in no way does this mean that the roles cannot be flipped. If you want to take on the responsibility, by all means, you go girl. But for me personally? I'm sensitive, I cry during horror movies, I'm afraid of basements and dark rooms. I, in no way, am strong enough to take on the tasks that men have been appointed to. And I'm okay with that.

So please, let me look forward to baking cookies for bake sales and driving a mom car.

And I'll support you in your endeavors and climb to the top of the corporate ladder. It doesn't matter what side you are on as long as we support each other, because we all need some girl power.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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8 Types Of People Fetuses Grow Into That 'Pro-Lifers' Don't Give 2.5 Shits About

It is easy to fight for the life of someone who isn't born, and then forget that you wanted them to be alive when you decide to hate their existence.

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For those in support of the #AbortionBans happening all over the United States, please remember that the unborn will not always be a fetus — he or she may grow up to be just another person whose existence you don't support.

The fetus may grow up to be transgender — they may wear clothes you deem "not for them" and identify in a way you don't agree with, and their life will mean nothing to you when you call them a mentally unstable perv for trying to use the bathroom.

The fetus may grow up to be gay — they may find happiness and love in the arms of someone of the same gender, and their life will mean nothing to you when you call them "vile" and shield your children's eyes when they kiss their partner.

The fetus may grow up and go to school — to get shot by someone carrying a gun they should have never been able to acquire, and their life will mean nothing to you when your right to bear arms is on the line.

The fetus may be black — they may wear baggy pants and "look like a thug", and their life will mean nothing to you when you defend the police officer who had no reason to shoot.

The fetus may grow up to be a criminal — he might live on death row for a heinous crime, and his life will mean nothing to you when you fight for the use of lethal injection to end it.

The fetus may end up poor — living off of a minimum wage job and food stamps to survive, and their life will mean nothing to you when they ask for assistance and you call them a "freeloader" and refuse.

The fetus may end up addicted to drugs — an experimentation gone wrong that has led to a lifetime of getting high and their life will mean nothing to you when you see a report that they OD'd and you make a fuss about the availability of Narcan.

The fetus may one day need an abortion — from trauma or simply not being ready, and her life will mean nothing to you as you wave "murderer" and "God hates you" signs as she walks into the office for the procedure.

* * *

Do not tell me that you are pro-life when all of the above people could lose their lives in any way OUTSIDE of abortion and you wouldn't give 2.5 shits.

You fight for the baby to be born, but if he or she is gay or trans, you will berate them for who they are or not support them for who they love.

You fight for the baby to be born, but if he or she is poor or addicted, you will refuse the help they desperately need or consider their death a betterment of society.

You fight for the baby to be born, but when the used-to-be-classroom-of-fetuses is shot, you care more about your access to firearms than their lives.

It is easy to pretend you care about someone before they are even born, and easy to forget their birth was something you fought for when they are anything other than what you consider an ideal person.

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