According to the Mount Vernon News, the Mutual UFO Network received a report of a tall, brown-skinned creature spotted on Ohio "a couple of miles" north of the city of Mount Vernon.
The creature was reported as being seven to eight feet tall with dark or light brown skin and had no body hair. According to the witness, the extraterrestrial creature came out of a cornfield and crossed the highway "at a tremendous rate of speed."
Although many people are skeptical as to whether or not this alien is real or was just an abnormally large deer running around at night, curiosity has overwhelmed my brain and I have some questions for this possible extraterrestrial neighborhood friend.
1. "Why Ohio?"
Sure, Ohio is great and all, but the only thing we have going for us is that we can experience all four seasons in one day. Unless Mother Nature hates your home, too, I hope you know what you're in for.
2. "Do you know how to drive a tractor?"
Is your tractor sexy? If you're living in the hicks of Ohio, you need to know how to drive a tractor sexily. Trust me...it'll take you far in life and love. Yee yee.
3. "Are you related to the demogorgon?"
Are you from the Upside-Down? Do you know Eleven? Do you know how we can get justice for Barb? Are you Team Jonathan or Team Steve?
4. "How do you shop for clothes?"
Your body seems, well, quite unusually proportioned. Where do you go to find extra-extra-long jeans? Can you find long sleeves that fit or do they all tend to become short sleeve shirts? If you had to put your foot beside Shaquille O'Neal's, would yours be bigger or smaller than his?
5. "Where's your spaceship?"
Do you have superpowers? Did you teleport from your home planet to Earth? Can you show me how to do that so that I can go back home and see my dog?
6. "Are you a carnivore?"
GiphyWhatever diet you have is great! But if it includes 5'2, brunette college girls, then I would like to know this before we accidentally cross paths in the middle of the night.
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