Why me?

We’ve all uttered these words at some point. I've said this phrase far too many times and now I don't want to say it anymore. I've never uttered these words when I'm confident but only when I'm insecure, disappointed, or unsure of myself. I've almost always said these words after encountering unsolicited heartbreak while in pursuit of something or someone that I thought would make me feel whole.

While positions and people add value to our lives, they aren't the glue that holds us together. They aren't the puzzle pieces that create our laughs or our desires or even our humanity.Our value and worth to the world aren't conditional and the sooner we realize this most of us will be a lot happier or at least content because it's not realistic to think you can be happy at every single moment of every single day.

I think the danger with the "why me" phrase is that it doesn't permit you to be content. I often find myself saying things such as "if only..." "and My life would be perfect if..." But the truth is my life will probably never be perfect. And if you ask anyone regardless of age, sex, race, and socioeconomic status, most people aren't completed ecstatic about every single area of their life. And this is okay.

Most of us only question our self-worth when something we believed would fall seamlessly into place suddenly doesn’t. We'll begin to ask a million why questions some of which include: Why this? Why now? And most importantly why is it happening to you? Heartbreak is inevitable and in my personal opinion finds a way to present itself at the worst possible moments of our lives.

However, at least for me, it doesn't stop at the why me. Following the why me phase of heartbreak usually includes a never-ending list of reasons I've compiled to explain why the universe refuses to let me be great.

The iconic character Carie Bradshaw asks a powerful question in season 6 that most of us never ask ourselves. “Do we search for lessons to lessen the pain?”In my opinion, the obvious answer is yes. Because it's a lot easier to keep digging for explanations for life's shortcomings rather than accepting them and moving forward.

But the truth is, it doesn’t matter how many reasons we look for to explain the disappointments in our lives. Sometimes we get hurt. Sometimes that hurt is our fault and sometimes the world just dishes out the most sour of lemons to the sweetest of people.

I'm challenging myself and everyone else in my life to not question why things are happening to us from the perspective of a victim. I want to take ownership of the life I I have the god, the bad, and the ugly. I'm challenging everyone I know to take the perspective that "life is happening for you, not to you".

This sounds ideal but in practice has been quite difficult. I've found that I have a bad habit of knocking on doors that are never going to open for me just because they align with the storylines I created for myself. It's not super easy to walk away once time and feelings have been invested, but it doesn't mean it isn't necessary.

I've found that the need for post-heartbreak pettiness and maturity is a very hard balancing act because you need both. You need time to grieve and validate your feelings just like you need acceptance and maturity so that you aren't forever living through heartbreak.