I remember sitting at my computer staring at all my anger and hurt poured out on the screen in the form of a letter. A letter I was so afraid to write and as I read the words out loud I struggled to even say the words to myself.  The fears of what everyone would say or think terrified me. I wasn't sure if anyone would listen or even believe me. I was told that I was imagining things and I deserved it all. For so long I had been trying to make excuses for someone's behavior, his behavior. I needed this letter, I needed to be heard and not dismissed. I pressed the publish button and posted it on my Facebook and I logged off my computer. For the first time in months I felt like I could breath. I was finally taking my life back.When I  got the courage to check my social media I was amazed at the outpouring of support from people. There were comments and messages from so many people. People sharing their personal experiences with abuse and telling me it will get better. There were also people telling me I was so brave but the truth was I wasn't brave. I so needed this, I needed to feel sane again and that I wasn't alone in this. This was my first step at moving on and it began with telling the truth. As I continued to go through my messages one definitely stood out to me, it was from my abuser's grandmother. She simply told me to stop making myself look bad, her grandson would have his heartbroken by someone else one day just like mine was. Heartbreak....?

  I have been through heartbreak before but that is not exactly how I would describe this situation. I had never had a man or should I say boy lay their hands on me before or use words to destroy my self worth. This isn't heartbreak this is what is the results of an abuser walking away from his victim after he sees no more use for them. I remember learning about dating violence in health class and thinking it would never be me, but it unfortunately was. For weeks his grandmother's words have bothered me. Is this why this problem continues to happen? Even when the victim brings forward their story those closest to the abuser continue to enable them. For so long I felt ashamed that I experienced abuse and felt embarrassed to talk about it. Weeks before our break up I sat down at his grandmother's house and she opened up about the physical abuse her mother endured at the hands of her father. She even asked me if I could handle how her grandson was treating me for the rest of my life. For a moment I thought about telling her the truth but I  wasn't ready to talk about it then.  I hadn't even been able to admit it to myself let alone his grandmother. How could I tell her there was a part of her grandson that absolutely terrified me? 

That letter was my confession to not only him but everyone even myself. I was done covering for the monster that was hiding inside him. Now more then ever, I realize that this is very much something that needs to be talked about. Just the other day my baby cousin and I on her 16th birthday were commiserating over our recent breakups . While talking to her I felt this over whelming responsibility to prevent her from ever experiencing what I went through. How do we stop this cycle of abuse. Is there something we can do as a society to stop the abuse?  1 in 4  women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime in the United States. Imagine the one women that has been abused is your daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, mother or just a best friend. Now imagine the abuser is your brother, grandson, or brother. What would you do to help? 

Our job as a society is to acknowledge we have a problem not to ignore it or dismiss it. Dating violence and domestic violence is not something we should be afraid to talk about. The only way to come up with a solution is to admit there is a problem. For me the solution is not staying silent about the abuse I experienced by my boyfriend, to prevent this from happening to anyone else. If you are reading this and you are experiencing emotional or physical abuse just know you are not alone. If you are a abuser or the family of an abuser, get help or get them help, until you do the cycle of abuse will continue to happen. If you are not a part of the solution, you are part of the problem.