Everyone copes with grief very differently. Some people cry a lot, while some may not shed a tear. Some cry until they can't anymore , some hold back until the very last bit of time or when no ones watching and then there some that are in complete denial. There is no rule book. Everyone just handles death differently.
I was one of those that needed time to allow myself to understand what had happened, and how I'd respond to my friends/family/co-workers when they asked me how I was doing without tearing up inside. I was in denial for sure, but it officially hit me months later which still lingers on till this day. Losing a loved one is heart breaking. Sometimes you're okay sometimes your not.
A year ago today, my grandmother (my baa) passed away. Although it was not sudden, I knew she was in her last days-it was very hard to let go. Perhaps, I never did let go fully. I was told to let her go fully, on her funeral day. The hardest part was watching her go for cremation. I was about to pass out. I remember taking her to McDonalds and she would always have the fries and ask for double packets of salt, pepper, and ketchup. She was always fancy when it came to dining out, she always dressed up in her cute Panjabi dress even if it was just a drive through trip. I have learnt a lot of lessons from this emotional process.
Memories of a loved one will trigger a lot of emotions. I had always had my baa on snapchat & when the "year ago today memories" appear I always had to remember that she was happy then and I believe she is happy now in heaven, but I can admit wholeheartedly that I wish she was still here. I remember how thoughtful and caring she always was. Holidays spent with grandparents are the best and I know it had hit me hard last year since she passed away on thanks giving day. Although, thanksgiving is not an Indian tradition being brought up here you realize that those holidays are generally the days we miss them the most. She loved it when my brother and I came home from school or work early especially when we tell her that we have a couple of days off! She would wake up early the next day and make samosas and chai and binge watch shows with us. I got to be so close to an amazing soul and the best one that was on this planet. If you are close to your grandparents don't take time for granted. Hold them close, hug them tighter, and spend as much time as you can with them. Because once they are gone you won't get them back.
If you have lost a grandparent, I am so sorry I understand your pain but always remember that they loved you and always want the best for you.
-RP
