Storytime: Back in December I took a walk. At the start of this walk, I started to pray. In this prayer I simply asked, "Jesus show me something." And as I turned the corner I saw this tree. (You are not going to believe what happened next) I sobbed. I literally sobbed at this tree and I knew this was it… this was the thing he wanted to show me. I immediately sat in this feeling and got out my notes and wrote:
It's exposed. The tree that once had an abundance of color and beauty is gone. It came to its true self, its true structure. You see it for what it is. We always see the beauty, the colors, and get distracted in it, and we think it's the only beauty it can provide. Yet, when that beauty slowly withers away we want to find a way to look away and wonder why. The root, the core, you see how it grows, you see all the ways in its vulnerability.
It didn't make sense until now. Until I took my own self and made me a priority, a step to self-growing.
3 months later:
As I went to an adoration chapel today, I knew it was going to be quite difficult. But I held onto hope that something was going to come from this. Since adoration is something I'm still growing in I just let my mind wander and tried to hear every small thing. But, not the big, crazy, going through my life thinking. I got up, grabbed a book, and flipped to a page. And it read:
Look at me. Here I am vulnerable, exposed, hidden, and yet entirely delivered over to you.
And I immediately thought of the tree. It came to its true structure, you see it for what it is. Just as Jesus is, he makes himself known in his true state. He isn't a person who hides. When we see what is He doing for us and has done for us that's when we truly understand his death and resurrection. Just as Jesus came into the world to die for our sins fully present, the tree's leaves that have fallen and died, this all happened so there would come forth new life.
*The root, the core, you see how it grows, you see all the ways in its vulnerability
As for us, there's beauty in the "withering away" as "the old man dies" we die to our false self. Solitude begins, just as the tree is exposed and you see that true root, as you see your own true self our transformed vulnerable self.
Jesus wants us to be like him. Vulnerable, and our true self as He is. As I am thinking, how in the world can I be like this? Let the old man die, take your self as you are and grow by being broken and open. He will show you who you need to be. Just as he showed us who he truly was, and how a part of him remains in us always.
So be like this tree so Jesus can come and create you into a brand new person who he truly sees. Let him paint the leaves and present to you your new resurrection.