There are days where I look into the mirror and I hate everything I see. I hate my body, my weight, my stomach, my face, my hair, etc. I often find it hard to see the good in myself, and sometimes, I wonder how anyone could love me when it is hard for me to find things to love about myself. But, this summer I have taken some time to myself to reflect on who I am...
I just ended a year and a half battle with an ex-boyfriend who called me derogatory terms like "whore", "slut", etc. He told me I should drop out of college and that I am not a talented writer, he often told me that he does not know why I am still trying to pursue my dreams. This obviously killed me because writing has been the most important part of my life for years now. I once thought this person loved me, how could he know me and still think these awful things about me? I took it hard and I took it personally.
He was wrong.
I am by no means a perfect person. I have hurt people, even people I truly love and care about. I have made mistakes that have made me experience some not so easy things, but I am a human being and I have every right to make mistakes. I know that at the end of the day, I am still a good person. I go out of my way to help people in need, I always have a shoulder to cry on, I always have an ear open for listening. I know that I have flaws, but there are so many amazing things about me too that I sometimes forget to recognize about myself.
In this society we live in, it is wrong to see yourself as beautiful or attractive. We are often told that we are conceited or vain. But, when did it become wrong to love yourself? I have found myself settling for people that have treated me horribly (like the example seen above) and it is because I did not think I deserved better. But guess what? I did and I do.
I wish I could start a revolution for everyone out there, and teach them that loving yourself and being confident in who you are and how you look is OKAY and it should be a norm. Hating yourself and being insecure should not be considered the normal state of mind, taking compliments should not make you narcissistic and you shouldn't be considered conceited for saying you look good that day. But, sadly I am one person and I cannot start a revolution that big.
Finally, after the way I was treated, thinking it was okay to hate myself, I have learned that I truly love myself. My self-esteem is a work in progress. There will be days where I look in the mirror and will still be disappointed. There will always be day that insults and words from my ex (and others) will haunt me, but at the end of the day, I have people in my life that think I am beautiful, smart, big-hearted, talented, wonderful, and worth it (and no, I am NOT just talking about my parents although they are my number one fans). I have friends who love me for who I am despite my flaws and I have two brothers that would do anything for me.
So, yes, despite my heartbreak and my rough days, I love myself. No, I am not conceited and vain. I do not think I am the most magical human being on this Earth, but I believe that my ex was wrong. I believe all the people out there that hate themselves should realize how unique and great they are, too. It is okay to love yourself. Learn to love yourself. You will feel more complete than you ever thought possible.
I love myself and I will continue to grow. I am wonderful for so many things and I need to remember that despite what anyone else thinks. I'm enough and so is everyone else reading this.