Losing someone is never easy, whether it was 10+ years ago, or just recently, it never gets easier. When I lost BOTH of my grandpas within 1 year of each other, people always told me, "Taylor, it will get easier." But, it never did. It never seemed to get easier. The pain never seemed to go away. I grew up without either of my grandpas. I lost them both as a young girl and growing up without a grandpa was something I was going to have to cope with. I kept asking myself, "Why me?" "Why my family?" It didn't seem fair. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that all my friends had grandpas and I didn't.
Believe me when I say, I understand what you're going through, and I truthfully feel your pain.
Losing them at first was something so so terrible. I didn't know how to comfort myself, but most importantly, I didn't know how to comfort my family. And that was something I'll never forget. Seeing my dad lose his father, and my mom lose her father, was something I didn't know how to deal with. It was the worst feeling ever. My days dragged on. They were filled with tears, sadness, and nothing but questions. Growing up without these people in my life was hard, but as I got older, I thought it was going to get easier, but I'd have to say the opposite actually. I started thinking about them ALL THE TIME. I would drive to the cemetery and just sit there and talk to my grandpas stone. Nothing seemed right. I felt so empty inside, and still to this day, I do. The holidays never get easier, birthdays get worse, and memories live on. I try to do this thing where I look back at pictures and think about all the memories but I can't help but cry. It's just one of those things that'll never get easier, even as time passes. People say time heals everything, but I'm a firm believer that after losing a loved one, it'll never be the same. My grandpas didn't get to see me grow up. They didn't get to see my bad middle school days, my high school track & cross country meets, my high school graduation, me going to college, and they wont get to see me graduate or get married. I think that's the thing that gets me, and I'm sure that's what gets most of us. Not having a loved one there to see you grow up is something I will never understand. It's something that has taken a toll on me over the years, but it's also something that makes me realize how fortunate I am to have the people in my life who make me the person I am today. As much as I miss my grandpas, I know they are up in Heaven looking down on me and smiling. I know they're proud. I know they're watching me, and I know I get to cherish the memories we shared, forever.
So, to the person who has lost a loved one, just know there are people who understand, and there are people who will stand by you. You have the memories to last a lifetime, and it's something I've grown to cherish.
"After a loved one passes, be encouraged by their passing and legacy. Instead of crying, live an inspired, spiritual, and happy life like they did when they were here. Live each day with encouragement knowing that they are proud and smiling down on you from Heaven." -Matt Fraser