Elevators. We've all seen them. Whether they are in your workplace, or you live in an apartment building, elevators are an important part of every tall building. I was always afraid of riding these death machines. After years of watching others have the courage to ride one, I decided that this week was the week that I needed to ride. I gathered up all of my courage and I stepped inside. Here are a couple of things I learned.

1. The Buttons

The elevator threw me for a loop right off the bat. There were buttons. Initially, I assumed the buttons controlled the elevator speed. I work on the 9th floor of an office building and I was worried that I would miss the exit if I pressed the "12" or "13" button. As an elevator rookie, I figured I would press the "1" button. "Slow speed, slow exit" is what I always say. So, upon entering, I pressed the "1" button. The doors closed and and the elevator did nothing. I got a little frustrated then. I began to hit the "1" button at a stronger and faster pace. Suddenly, the doors opened and a woman entered. I stepped back, assuming she was an elevator expert and that she would know what to do. She hit the "15" button. Shocked, I grabbed on to one of the horizontal bars on the wall of the elevator and shouted an explicit. She shot me an annoyed expression. To my surprise, the elevator moved at a reasonable pace! It stopped on the 15th floor. I finally understood. I happily pressed the "9" button and was on my way.

2. The Phone

After the work day, I entered the elevator. Because I was still a beginner, it took me a couple of tries. It was ok though, I figured it out eventually. On my way down from the 22nd floor, I realized I forgot my contact solution. Without my solution, I would have dry eyes for the rest of the night. When I get dry eyes, I get pretty angry with everyone and everything. I couldn't have that happen, not again. So in a panic, I grabbed the "Emergency Only" phone below the buttons and explained my situation to the operator. When I reached the first floor, and after I received a stern talking too by the woman over the phone, I counted my losses and took the stairs back up to grab my solution.

3. The People

Man, people on the elevator sure can be rude. When I got on the elevator the next day, I saw a man who I haven't met before. Looking for a new pal, I asked him what his favorite Robin Vik play was. He gave me an annoyed look and pretended not to know who I was talking about. When I laughed, he got even more annoyed. "Obviously, Robin Vik is a tennis played from the 2006 Australian Open" I said. He told me never to talk to him again. At the end of the day, I was drinking grape juice when I stepped on the elevator. I kind of tripped and spilled it on some guy's white shirt. He was not very understanding of this common mistake. He demanded money for a new shirt and told me I deserve to be fired. Some people, you know?

4. The Bulbs

An interesting part of the buttons I did not notice before was the bulbs inside of them. Whenever you press a button, a bulb will light up. I'm not a simple-minded guy, but when I saw this, I had to press every button. The color of the bulbs were red, but I thought maybe it was some type of game. Maybe if I found a blue-colored button, there would be a cash or food related prize! I pressed every button and to my disappointment, none of the bulbs changed colors. Some woman also said a couple of less than kind words to me. According to her, "this is an uncommon and unacceptable mistake." She also complained about being late to a meeting or something. I wasn't really listening. I was too focused on the lights.

5. The Doors

When I say that these doors close at the speed of a fighter jet, I am not exaggerating. These things go fast. When I entered the elevator one morning, I decided to stick my fingers between the doors as they were closing. I'm not sure why I did this, it's sort of an Evel Knievel quality I have. I like to live dangerously. The doors opened when I put my fingers between them! Happily, I tried this again. A man was walking towards the elevator when I did this a fifth time. He hopped on and said thank you. Maybe this was his first time on an elevator and he was thanking me for inspiring him. At least some people in this world are kind. I looked at him, smiled, and said "You're welcome." As I did this, the doors must of got tired of my games, because they shut on two of my fingers on my right hand. I screamed at the top of my lungs while the man tried to help. After seven excruciating minutes, the doors opened again. My fingers turned purple, and worst of all, I'm pretty sure that man is to afraid to ride the elevator now. So instead of inspiring people, I made someone afraid of the elevator. "Wonderful" I sarcastically thought to myself.

6. The History

Apparently, The Roman Colosseum had 24 elevators in it during ancient times. These elevators were operated by 200 slaves.

7. The Bottomless Pit

So it was finally Friday ... Payday! I was looking at my check when I stepped on the elevator, thinking of the possibilities. I had emailed my boss about a bonus for being courageous. She never responded, but I really think she gave it to me. Unfortunately, I'll never know. I dropped the envelope with my check in it and it went right through the slit between the floor and the elevator. BOOM! It was over. It went right into the bottomless pit and I was mad. This elevator has been nothing but a frustrating event for me this entire week and I was no longer having it. I hit the doors, smashed all of the buttons, and tried to take off the horizontal hand rails. I was successful in hurting the elevator. Proud of myself, I went home. The next week, I found out something that I wish I knew beforehand. My boss was tight with the elevator. The elevator had told on me and got me fired.

Though I lost my job as a result of this experiment, I'm glad I rode the elevator. I think I proved to be very courageous and I am comfortable with putting this experience on a future job resume. Hopefully, if you are reading this and you were thinking about riding an elevator, you need to think of all of the possibilities before you do it. If you do choose to ride the elevator, I hope you use caution and best judgement. Good luck my friends. Thanks for your time.