The dorm presents a challenge to those of us with a flair for interior decorating and a nightmare for those of us who are vaguely aware that complementary colors exist and that you shouldn't store your laundry on the floor. I'm here to make fixing up your dorm a breeze for people with any level of decoration expertise. Read on to jump on the no pain decoration train!
1. Christmas lights can really set the mood.
Let's be honest. That guy or girl that's out of your league would never be with you; however, if you invite them over for Netflix and there are Christmas lights hanging up? They'll realize that you're an individual with great taste in lighting fixtures that they'll ultimately reject due to their complete lack of romantic attraction to you instead of some loser that relies on fluorescent lights. That artificial lighting will feel way too harsh on those sick burns that they're going to serve you later on.
2. Loud *ss speakers will show your hall that you're probably the coolest person.
No one has ever gone wrong with subs in their dorm room. Once your hall mates stop studying or enjoying themselves in their own rooms because your music is way too loud to function normally nearby, they're sure to come hang out with you instead. You'll never feel so popular. Blare your beats. Your music taste is probably better than anyone else's anyway, right?
3. Remember to properly dispose of your trash.
Are you a garbage person? Then this is the tip for you. Show your friends and family who you really are on the inside by smearing your trash items all over your room instead of taking them outside. Nothing says "bad" or "please get away from me" like being yourself in every way. No one likes a two-faced liar so just present yourself realistically to the best of your ability. Go for it.
4. Dry erase or chalk boards are great study tools that you'll definitely forget about halfway through the semester.
It's inevitable that one day you'll look up at your board of choice and realize that you forgot literally everything you wrote on it. You tried so hard too. Maybe it's a calendar dry erase board still stuck on August, like a bad remake of Groundhog Day. Maybe it's a to-do list you never looked at again, like you replaced the protagonist in Memento in the worst way. Either way it won't do you much good, but it serves as both an easy decoration and a conversation piece.
5. Scatter relics of everyone you've encountered all over your room.
Pictures of your friends and family are great, but we're taking it to the next level. That girl that didn't move ahead in the Starbucks line fast enough? Chop off a lock of her hair and hang it above your bed. That cute guy in your physics class that always smells like cinnamon? Steal a random object out of his bag while he's not looking that'll remind you of him when you see it on your desk every day. Whatever you want, man. The world is your oyster and I only guarantee that this will make your room unique, not good.
Disclaimer: I do not do any of these things.This is satire. I'm not responsible for people's reactions to you if you do any of these things. That being said, have fun and do you.
