Strobe lights, sweat, skimpily clad women, bad DJs, and alcohol--five of the six mainstay ingredients you're invariably exposed to at any college party.
The sixth is, of course, grimy men. They come in all shapes and sizes, skin colors and ethnicities, temperaments and approaches. The only thing they resemble each other in is their unfailing ability to make your skin crawl. Here are 5 men that you'll definitely meet if you attend a party in college.
The One That Follows You Around
He seems to creep up on you and your friends when you least expect it--and once he's next to you, he lingers like a shadow. You do your best to ignore him and push him out of your circle, but he somehow always manages to get back in. Even if you move your crew to an entirely new place within the crowd, you aren't safe from him for long--it feels like he has superhuman powers that let him sniff you out and find his way back to you. My advice? Confront this guy directly and tell him to leave you alone! His stalker-y habits are creepy and shouldn't go unchecked.
The One Whose Waaaay Too Drunk
He's laughing, he's dancing, he's rumblin' and tumblin', he's....throwing up? This dude has swallowed half a bottle of blue raspberry Svedka before the party even starts. He's presumably there for a good time, but he's so drunk that he's not quite sure whether he's having fun or not. Beware of this guy: while his concentrated blood-alcohol content might make him more affable, it also increases the likelihood that he projectile vomits all over your dress. And who wants that??
The One Whose Only Goal Is To Dance With Every Girl
There are usually multiple of these guys wandering around a party. The DJ is playing your jam, you're feelin' yourself, you're gettin' down, and suddenly you feel a pair of sweaty male hands on your waist. Whether you choose to dance with him or push him away, you can be sure that those same hands will be on another girl's hips the moment you're done. Throughout the party, you'll catch glimpses of this guy prowling around for his next victim when he isn't with one of several different women. Not that you fault him for trying to dance with as many girls as he can, but still...ew.
The One Whose "tOo CoOL" To Dance
When you ask him his favorite book, he says "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." Not that he's actually read it, but he feels like the title is appropriate for his self-imposed "background" role. He's too tired, or too bored, or too ~over~ the party scene to dance ( and yet he's still at a....party?). Now he's waiting for some curious woman to engage him in conversation so he can explain how cool he is. He thinks he's the biggest fish in all the land, and wonders why girls never notice him. "It's because I'm on the wall," he decides, "and only a worthy and observant woman will find me." So justifying himself, he returns to irrelevancy.
The One Whose Trying To Find His Wife
This guy must have money, because the moment he meets you he seems ready to put a diamond ring on it....But not really. He just wants your number and your name--which you stupidly give to him, though you know you shouldn't--so he can follow up your guys' single dance with a lukewarm "Hey." This guy doesn't seem to understand that a dance is just a dance--or maybe he doesn't want to understand it, because feeling like he's getting attention from some girl is better than accepting that he doesn't know much about relationships. Eventually, he will get tired of your half-assed responses to his advances--or maybe you'll reject him altogether--and he will tell you that you shouldn't have given him your number if you didn't plan to entertain him. You'll be rightfully angry, and will vow not to give men at parties your number, which is probably for the best.