If a guy at the bar wants me to come home with him, then there are way better things that he can get me than a drink. If you see me out with my friends on a Saturday night, I’ve probably already pre-gamed and definitely do not need an extra drink. I’d be way more inclined to give you my number if you give me something I could actually use; like the newest Essie nail polish featured in Cosmopolitan I’ve been meaning to try, or a box of Q-tips. If you really want me to notice you, then consider investing in these gifts…

1. An ice cream cone from the ice cream truck.

2. A gift card to Urban Outfitters.

3. The newest Naked pallet from Sephora.

4. A hamburger from Shake Shack.

5. A Picasso painting from the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

6. An eighth from my dealer.

7. A full ride to college.

8. A lifetime of gender equality.

9. A ticket to Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck.

10. A membership from my local gym.

11. A bottle of white wine from the liquor store.

12. A year's supply of tampons from CVS.

13. A meet and greet with Amy Poehler.

14. A year's supply of avocado toast.

15. A pair of Zac Efron’s underwear.

16. Self-confidence.

17. A trip to Disneyworld.

18. Ben Savage.

19. An alternate universe where it’s not weird to have a crush on cartoon characters.

20. Khloe Kardashian’s body.

21. A haircut from my favorite salon.

22. Emotional security.

23. Self love.

24. A waterproof iPhone case.

25. A trip with my girls to Greece.

26. Peace in the Middle East.

27. A mani/pedi.

28. A translator to come with me when I get my nails done.

29. An apartment in Manhattan on the Upper West Side.

30. Fourteen hotdogs.

31. A private screening of 17 Again with Zac Efron.

32. A pack of Scrunchies.

33. A blue checkmark on my Twitter page.

34. A palm reading from a local fortune teller.

35. A “get out of jail free” card.

36. A nose job.

37. A meet and greet with Scott Dissick so I can ask him WTF he was thinking when he cheated on Kourtney.

38. 100 more followers on all of my social media accounts.

39. Brunch with Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer, Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, and Jennifer Lawrence.

40. A gift card to Target.

41. LuLu Lemon leggings.

42. Justin Bieber's new album.

43. A boyfriend.

44. Two drinks from the bar.