There is a secret to contentment in any and all situations and circumstances, Paul mentions that in the Bible (Philippians 4:12) and it is possible! I consistently struggle with being content, but lately, a light turned on in my mind about it. After literally years of battling thoughts, emotions, circumstances and mindsets, I’ve had to face them and deal with them rather than run. Quite a few reality checks I’ve needed to be awakened to. They’re brutal many times, but they have led to a much deeper contentment in me. Here are three truths I’ve come to accept that have helped me become more content.

1) Life WILL Throw Shit at You

I have a secret to tell you. You probably have or will go through some traumatic stuff in your life and that’s ok. If you have, it won’t be the last time you’re tested. In fact, you might go through much harder things in the future. If you haven’t, get ready. Get ready for pieces of your life to fall apart, for you to be challenged, for shit to hit the fan, and your character to be shook. Know that some of your family will most likely die in your lifetime, some of your friends are going to die too or leave you, you might get cheated on by a significant other or a spouse, you may become disabled or lose your job or lose your pets or get a divorce. Shit happens. It hurts. That is all ok to be upset about and to mourn for, in fact, it's healthier if you do. That is when it gets easy to give up, wallow, blame people, blame God, hate yourself, do dumb things that are not in your character and “have an excuse.” How do you prepare for that? How could you possibly be content? When shit happens, what do you do with that? Answers below.

2) You Can’t ALWAYS Win

Did you know 95% of small businesses in the US fail? That means that all successful small businesses are a part of an “elite” 5% of winners and I guarantee you that of those 5%, 100% of them failed before they succeeded. The losing person, class, competitor, business, whatever, all outweigh the winning ones. Every winner has lost before. There can only one winner of each race, one champion in each event, a select few geniuses that win the prize everyone longs for. At some point, you have to realize and believe that you’re not going to be the best at something. You’re not going to be the big boss man; you’ll still have to answer to someone somewhere. You’re still going to lose in some area of your life and not be perfect or put together. Is that important? What happens if hard work doesn’t pay off like it seems to or like mom and dad told you it would? Do you work harder? Do you give up? Do you remain average and in the middle of the pack, never to excel past your peers? When you lose, what do you do with that? Answers below.

3) No One OWES You Anything

Letting go of entitlements is a real kick in the face to one's ego and pride. One day I had to realize that I don’t have the right to the job I want when I want it. I don’t have the right to get what I want all the time. I don’t have a right to my health, to my family, to my friends or to my desired lifestyle. I don’t have a right to have people do what I want them to, or to any of the possessions I currently own. Even what I have worked for, all of it is not mine to hold and control and tell when it can stay and when it can go. Maybe one day I’ll have no money or job and the only thing I have is lentils, or rice or maybe no food. Maybe my house gets taken from me. If my health goes, it goes. If my friend’s don’t want to stay around or my family disowns me (not that those things have to happen to you or me), guess what, those were never situations I could control in the first place and I can’t control it now. Despite whatever good I ever did to them, they don’t owe me to stick around. They aren’t required to tell me it’s going to be ok and stand by my side. What if someone crashes into my car and insurance doesn’t pay for it? Does that make me entitled to compensation from the universe or people? Nope. That makes for some hard times for Connar who has to figure it out, and, spoiler alert, I can’t even rightfully blame God or circumstances or situations for their actions or mine. When you get the short end of the stick, what do you do with that? Answers below.

4) Life Goes On, It’s Going to Be Okay, Don’t Quit

Now that all the depression is out of the way, let me tell you what I think you do with all that. When life gives you shit, remember that you are in control of your actions and your attitude. Don’t ignore your problems, engage with them and see them through. Know that its ok to be roughed up and shook by reality. Take a step back and breath, go at your pace but keep going forward. Know your problems and pain are valid but don’t let them stop you no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts. When you lose, learn from it, celebrate the new knowledge you have and use it when you keep going. When you aren’t number one or you fail in something remember that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Like at all. When your hard work doesn’t seem to get you what you want or how you want it, don’t let it defeat you, let it show you how to confront the problem differently. Your failure to quit is your victory and being yourself is winning your race. That is the most important race to win. When you get the short end of the stick especially because of another’s choice, remember that what they do doesn’t make your decisions for you. How you respond and if you let that shape how you treat them or others do. Who you let yourself become despite a raw deal is completely on you.

In the world of contentment, preparing your mind to be thankful rather than resentful, to be strong rather than crumble, to press on rather than quit, to forgive rather than be bitter is what matters. The secret to contentment isn’t to let your circumstances dictate your feeling, but rather to dictate your feelings before the circumstances hit. You’re still breathing so God’s gotta love you that much. Life goes on, it’s going to be okay, don’t quit.