After my first week in the Big Apple, the City That Never Sleeps, the Capital of the World, Gotham, New York City, I can only sum it up in one word:

Confusing.

I thought I knew New York. After visiting a few times, glancing at a map of the subway system here and there and accurately explaining where I'm living and working to New York natives back at home, I repeatedly asked myself, "How big could a 'Big City' be?"

Well, per usual, I was wrong. Here are 21 things I quickly learned as a South Florida transplant during the first week of my new, short-term city lifestyle:

1. EVERYTHING is expensive.

Say goodbye to coffee under $6, dinner under $10 and whatever's in your bank account.

2. "Sticky Green" is not a new vegan restaurant on the corner.

Say no to drugs, yes to pizza.

3. Hand sanitizer is not a luxury, it's a necessity.

Breaking news: "Germaphobe Suffers From Heart Failure on New York City Subway."

4. If you think you know the subway system, you don't.

Make sure you know exactly where you're going, what direction you're going in, which trains you take to get there, what time you need to leave, what possible conditions could prevent routes A, B and C from working out for you, what your plan D is... there's NO phone service underground, OK?

5. Whatever your landlord, subletter, etc. said about your apartment, it was a lie.

The space, the view, the A/C, the plumbing... forget it all.

6. Learn to live with only the bare essentials.

Take your expertise from all those years of summer camp, all those Bonnaroos and all those times you wondered how your gross older brother has survived with his lifestyle, and get used to living like a peasant.

7. Nobody will apologize if they bump into you.

Just carry on.

8. Do not bump into other people.

Just don't.

9. Do not apologize if you do.

Again, just don't.

10. New Yorkers aren't nice.

They're not "mean" either; they just sorta... are.

11. Know how to say, do or reference something right - or don't at all.

TriBeCa stands for "Triangle Below Canal." It's pronounced "house-ton" (Houston) Street, not "hyoos-ton," like Texas. And not every tall pointy building is the Empire State Building.

12. Whatever you thought "walking quickly" meant, you're wrong.

Either let everyone pass you and stay out of the way, or keep up. Actually, run. Just run.

13. Avoid Times Square at all costs.

It's like sober Domino's: good at first, but then you realize your body just can't take it.

14. If it's a hole in the wall, it's cheap and delicious.*

*The author of this article is not held responsible for food poisoning of any kind.

15. Get used to sharing meals with friends.

Kill two birds with one stone: cut your prices and portions in half.

16. Accept your empty stomach at bedtime as a form of weight loss.

A haiku: Food is money. Money, money, no money. Goodbye, winter fat!

17. It is possible to have free (or really, really cheap) fun.

Just plan ahead, and try these ideas.

18. The places that everybody knows about are the least cool.

Go out of your way to visit hideaways and discover secret spots. Chances are, they're infinitely more fun than what everyone else is doing. And you'll feel awesome for finding them first.

19. The views all over the city are incredible.

At every height, on any surface, you genuinely don't know what you'll find.

20. Do not pay for a taxi, unless it's 3 am and you're drunk.

^ Don't listen to Emily. If you're not in dire need, the subway will always do.

21. Even if your job gets hard, remember how cool it is that you're working in NYC.

And how #blessed you are to be doing so. (^ OK, here she's right). You have the opportunity of a lifetime; seize it.

Despite the education of my week, the excitement and exhilaration of New York City have still won me over.

So, here's to a summer of adventure, awesomeness and always taking the right train - and never ending up in Harlem again.