Congratulations! You are admitted into the greatest university in world, and will join the rankings of Longhorns like Michael Dell (fingers crossed), Kevin Durant (if only I was that athletic), and Matthew McConaughey (alright, alright, alright). As you begin your journey on the Forty Acres, know that four (or more if you want to do a victory lap) of the best years of your life are about to begin, but there will be challenges too. The eyes of Texas are upon you, and you cannot get away from these 20 struggles that Longhorn students know all too well:
1. When the school gets shut down because of "snow"
Someone spilled their drink at a fraternity party and the local weather team has mistaken the leftover melting ice on the sidewalk for icy conditions unsafe to drive in. Looks like a day to binge watch Netflix, maybe start on your already overdue homework assignments, and watch your Facebook feed fill up with sarcastic comments from your friend from New Jersey who goes to UT and thinks that everyone is a wimp for canceling school. He really should just shut up and appreciate the free day off because it's going to be 90 degrees by noon and you can finally go out to Zilker Park like you've been planning together all year.
2. Or when the school gets shut down because of a power outage
It's not always the harsh Texas winters full of blizzards that allow you to sleep a few more hours in your comfy dorm bed that is a foot shorter than your own height. Sometimes the power will go out across campus, and instead of just opening a few windows to bring some light in the room, classes will be cancelled. You can thank whoever was behind that great plan later.
3. When you have to make the difficult decision of deciding where to live next year
You will be forced to choose between convenience to your classes or convenience to your social life (i.e. the five frat parties you and your friends are planning on hitting up tonight). You either have to wake up earlier to walk 20 minutes to class, or you'll have to painfully walk a mile in heels at midnight to impress that cute boy at the party on the other side of campus. You better make your mind up quickly though because you'll need to put your lease in a year in advance.
4. When a restaurant decides not to take Bevo Bucks anymore and that's the only type of money you've got
Thanks a lot, Cane's and Kerbey Lane. You're already the reason that my bank account totals $0.27, and now you won't even accept my Bevo Bucks. I thought we had something special. We are never ever ever getting back together. Well... until pay day in two weeks that is.
5. When you try to go to the PCL to be productive, but you know that you'll end up having a two-hour hangout sesh with your friends
So I was on my way to the PCL to study for my accounting quiz on Wednesday, and then I saw Becky and her friends going to Love Goat, so I thought I'd just stop by and say hi for a couple of minutes (or hours). I promise we'll go to the PCL tomorrow though, and watch cute cat videos on YouTube and talk about our crazy weekends, and then we'll try and make flashcards on income statements. Pinky swear.
6. When you try to schedule your classes around your social life
No, advisor. I refuse to join that FIG that has a Friday 8 a.m. And no, it's not only because I want to be able to go down to Sixth Street every Thursday night. I'm just so much more productive in the afternoons is all. Are there any FIGs that don't have Friday classes period? I may be interested in those... for purely academic reasons, of course.
7. When your bank account is looking slimmer than you from all the Kerbey Queso you've been Favoring after one night (or maybe 12 nights) out
And let's not forget how many times you've taken an Uber or Lyft back from a night out on Sixth Street. You swear all your money only goes to food, and you're praying that your parents never figure that one out. You've even thought about getting a job at one of your favorite restaurants on the Drag so that you can get a discount.
8. When your excuse for not working out is because Gregory Gym is just too far of a walk from where you live
Okay, you're right. The logic on that one doesn't exactly make the most sense. I don't want to have to walk to the gym, even though the whole purpose is to exercise. But guess what? I also don't want to have to walk to the elevator and ride it down five floors to go to my apartment's gym either. Maybe I'll bring workout clothes to campus next time and work out in between my classes since I'll be closer. Probably not though... That's too much effort. I'll just gain the sophomore 70. It's totally fine.
9. When your football team and campus Internet are equally as disappointing
No matter the score, we'll always bleed burnt orange, and hold on to our hope for better turnout next time. It would be pretty cool though if we could win another championship before I graduate, or if MyCampusNet could take less than five minutes to submit anything on Canvas or actually download the Jimmy Kimmel video I'm trying to watch. Don't even get me started on AT&T... No, Google Chrome. I never want to connect to that. Why don't you understand?
10. When it's only the second day of the week, and you've already used up all your bandwidth
I only got through two episodes of Friends today! How am I going to finish my government essay in time, and more importantly, how on earth am I going to find out if Ross and Rachel end up together, if I'm already out of bandwidth for the week? I don't want to pay to upgrade my ResNet plan. I just want to have freedom.
11. When you get 400 flyers handed to you on your way to class
Does it really look like I have time to join a spirit group, the karate club, the rowing club, Young Life, the Disney Fan Club, and the Christmas Cheer Club, while making decent grades and getting an adequate amount of sleep? Most of the flyers handed to you will end up buried in the bottom of your backpack, and then thrown away at the end of the semester when you realize how heavy and gross your backpack has become. I'm sorry, you seem really nice, but I woke up 20 minutes late for class and I'm trying to book it across campus. I don't have time to sign your petition or join any more organizations right this very second.
12. When you have to do anything involving the financial aid office
I just want my financial aid money so that I can go to school, to earn a degree, to land a decent job, to help me pay back these loans that you are taking what seems like five years to process. Please hurry and get back to me so that I can register on time for the classes that I want and be able to sleep at night again. I don't feel like it's that much to ask.
13. When half of your professors use Canvas, but the rest still are holding on to Blackboard for their dear life
Stop trying to make Blackboard happen. It's not going to happen. I just want to log onto Canvas and have all my coursework and last-minute announcements from you about the 30-page reading due tomorrow in one place, and live happily ever after. The end.
14. When you get a weekend two ACL pass and have to decide between going to the festival and going to OU weekend
Weekend one of ACL sold out way too fast, and now I'm forced to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. Do I stay in Austin to jam to Drake and eat from food trucks all weekend with thousands of my closest friends, or do I drive to Dallas to remind students who live in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma that "OU sucks!" and eat fried oreos at the fair? God, please send me a sign!
15. When you have to wait in line for an hour to pick up your textbooks from the Co-op
It's not like I even want the textbooks. Maybe if I never go to the Co-op to pick them up, then all of the homework and readings I have to do will just disappear. I could be doing something much more productive with this hour, like sleeping. I think I'll just go home and order my books off Amazon and wait two weeks for them to be shipped so that I can be in my bed, instead of standing in line right now.
16. Trying to sneak into the same section as your friends on game day
You know, none of this would have happened if you had just made a Big Ticket group and titled it with some inside joke between your friend group. Now you have to photoshop your ticket or try to distract someone while you sneak into the section under the jumbotron to scream "Give 'em hell! Give 'em hell!" and not actually pay attention to the game at all with your friends.
17. When you waste hours of your life trying to find any kind of parking
If you're a Longhorn who is lucky enough to have their car on campus (debatable), then you're all too familiar with the terrible situation that is parking. By the time you graduate, you will probably get a few parking tickets, pay over $20 for a good spot because you were desperate, get your car towed, and even receive a few new dents and scratches that give your precious car some character. You probably should've just walked everywhere. It would've helped you avoid that freshman 15 you swore you would never gain.
18. When you're so desperate to make an A on your test that you resort to searching for the albino squirrel instead of productively spending that time studying
That magical albino squirrel is the only way you're going to pass your final since you spent all semester on YikYak reading funny comments and disses about the professor teaching the class you're in right now. Too bad the squirrel is never anywhere to be found when you actually need its good luck.
19. When you go to your 8 a.m. in Nike shorts and a T-shirt, but have to go back to your place in between classes and put on long-johns, a parka, and wool gloves because you know how Texas weather can be at times
Don't forget to grab your umbrella! And a windbreaker. Don't want to get burned, so you should probably bring some SPF 100 sunscreen too. Texas is notorious for being bipolar about its weather.
20. When you try to explain to people why the University of Texas at Austin is the best in the world, but it's really something that goes beyond words
From the outside you can't understand it, but from the inside you can't explain it. All you know is that you will be proud to be a Longhorn all the livelong day. It's more than just four years. It's for life. Some parts about your days at the University of Texas at Austin will mess with you, but at the end of the day, everyone knows don't mess with Texas.