Thanksgiving break is so close I can almost taste it. My workload is biting me in the ass, but it's so cold outside that I'm too numb to feel the pain. Life is looking up a little bit, guys. That is until I logged onto Twitter and saw that Blake Shelton was declared People's Sexiest Man Alive.
C'MON GUYS.
I know our society is in a very weird place right now, but to be honest, I expected more. Don't get me wrong. I love Blake just as much as the next person. But sexy?
I have been on this earth for 19, almost 20, years and the words Blake Shelton and sexy have NEVER gone together. I'm convinced even Gwen Stefani doesn't think he's sexy. The guy is a walking hay bale!!
As much as I love Blake, here's my list of guys who could have been MUCH better choices for People's Sexiest Man Alive.
1. Luke Bryan.
Y'all want a country star? Fine. Here you go. With a million dollar smile and a booty that could kill, Luke should have been a shoe-in.
2. Harry Styles.
I don't even have an explanation for this one. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BEAUTIFUL RAY OF SUNSHINE AND SEX?!
3. Bill Skarsgård.
Yes, you heard me right. Pennywise the freakin' clown.
4. Nolan Patrick.
Whether you know the Philadelphia Flyer's rookie or not, hockey guys are hot as hell. End of story.
5. Jonathan Groff.
PSA: watch Mindhunter on Netflix.
6. Avan Jogia.
The dude is a literal god.
7. Joe Keery.
Oh, you thought I was obsessed with Stranger Things because of Millie Bobbie Brown? Whoops, think again!
8. David Harbour.
Well, since I'm on the subject, what about Hopper?! He's brave, assertive, AND has a dad bod. How did we pass him up?!
9. Any guy in any Superhero movie, ever.
I don't care if it's Marvel or DC. We could be talking about Tom Holland, Sebastian Stan, Michael B. Jordan, Chris Hemsworth, Andrew Garfield, Robert Downey Jr., Chris Pratt, Hugh Jack- DO YOU SEE MY POINT?!
10. Liam Hemsworth.
Speaking of Hemsworth, how could we forget my favorite of the brothers.
11. Adam Levine.
Okay, I get it, you guys wanted a judge from The Voice.. well, newsflash, you picked the wrong one!!! Also, don't even try me with that "he was already Sexiest Man Alive wah wah wah!" crap. He's sexier than Blake, your argument is invalid. This goes for Chris Hemsworth too. FIGHT ME.
12. Matthew McConaughey.
This one's for my mom. I hate him. But you know what? Still sexier than Blake.
13. Mark Wahlberg.
I know for a FACT that everyone on this planet has seen that Calvin Klein picture. You know exactly which one I'm talking about. If that isn't worthy of Sexiest Man Alive, then I honestly don't know what is.
14. Leslie Odom Jr.
If his voice wasn't enough to melt you into a puddle, then his looks surely will.
15. George Clooney.
The man is literally 56 years old and still makes me swoon more than Blake Shelton.
16. The Franco brothers.
I literally don't care which one you prefer, (personally, I'm a Dave Franco kinda girl but WHATEVS) they're both better picks.
17. Johnny Depp.
Is it normal to be attracted to a pirate...?
18. Zac Efron.
HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN BAYWATCH BYE.
19. Trevor Noah.
Name a better-looking comedian, I'll wait.
20. Barack Obama.
Yeah, I'm talking about #44. And you know I'm right.
America, we need to do better.. in more ways than one, and this title needs to be at the top of our list. It's time we get our head in the game.. if you don't know what I mean, see #18 for more details.
