As much as I love color guard, there are always a few things that make me groan and want to drop a rifle on my head. There's a world of things I and fellow guard peeps will sigh at. From coaches to makeup to catcalling, there are just some things that make our job that much harder.
Here are just 17 things to explain the struggle.
1. "What's color guard?"
The concept of color guard is nearly impossible to explain. And if this is a classmate, buddy, you have seen us perform at football games don't even look at me.
2. Makeup, Costumes And Hair
When the sequins on the costumes dig into your skin, when you take out a bobby pin to find blood on it, when you pile eye makeup on so thick it's hard to keep your eyes open, only then do you know what hell is.
3. Hardcore Instructors
This is a little-known fact, but all color guard instructors have a little bit of Satan's fury infused in them to make them both amazing teachers AND to make it extra terrifying when they give you "The Look"TM
4. I never have time to do anything except practice.
This year homecoming falls on a competition day. There are also several sleepovers I cannot attend, and many trips I was unable to go on. All so I could be in pain and be yelled at.
5. It never ends.
We are the literal definition of "always on that grind." As soon as the color guard season ends, it's time for winter guard tryouts. And then after winter guard, color guard tryouts. And we practice all summer for color guard.
6. Any weather is practice weather!
Oh, is it 05 degrees outside? Let's go, people, we don't have all day. The only time we stop practicing is if someone passes out from heat, or there's lightning and heavy rains.
7. Really weird, inconvenient drill
I can't decide which I hate more, making strange curves and diagonals in our formation that are nearly impossible to get right, or sprinting 40 yards with my toes pointed and in-step with the music with only 16 seconds to do so.
8. Doing something over and over again because one person can't get it right
Remember that 40-yard sprint? Well, now I have to do it six more times because some chick can't point her toes on her little twirl.
9. Attitude (especially if you're a mentor trying to teach the rookies)
"Hey, you need to count when you perform." "I don't want to. I'm tired." "WE'RE ALL TIRED HONEY, DROP THE ATTITUDE AND YOUR BODY AND GIVE ME 30."
10. Band Camp
Welcome to actual, literal hell, kids.
11. Getting home at two in the morning from competitions
Especially if you get carsick late at night. My first competition I spent the entire ride home praying I wouldn't vomit on my boyfriend.
12. Injuries
These are surprisingly diverse. The most prominent ones that have hit my guard are a cut eyelid, a saber through the foot, various broken bones and concussions.
13. Practicing, knowing full well all the homework awaits me when I get home
There is a direct correlation between my homework stress level and practice nights.
14. "What's winter guard? Do you perform for the basketball team?"
Here's a better question: have you ever in your life seen a color guard at a basketball game? You haven't. Because we already don't care about what the football team does, so why would we go to a basketball game?
15. Football Games
"Woohoo! Free tickets to every football game, and my peers and friends get to see all the hard work I've done." Did you mean: never having a free Friday night for about three months and getting catcalled because your costumes are skin tight? And also all your friends and peers use half time to get snacks and go on their phones. Pfft, you thought they watched you? Hilarious.
16. Cut budget because marching band and color guard isn't a "real sport"
Let's see you throw a sword, a six foot pole, a block of wood and look graceful while doing so, jocks. We could probably do more push-ups than you, anyway.
17. I can't make myself quit.
As much as I want to snap my rifle and stomp off the field some days, I can't bring myself to. Despite everything I do, all my cuts and bruises, the people I've met and the fun I've had will always top all the suffering.
