You woke up late again. You silenced four alarms, ignored your roommate summoning you from your peaceful slumber and convinced yourself you only need like 15 minutes to pull yourself together. You throw on the nearest leggings/baggy sweater combo while simultaneously brushing your teeth and taming the mane. You grab your coffee and bagel and book-it out the door and into the real world, hoping that it’s kind to you today.
You’re a functioning hot mess and somehow each day manages to work out in your favor.
1. You’re thoroughly convinced you’ve made it this far on good looks and good karma so you take extra caution not to upset that balance. Beggar on the sidewalk? Better give him my change.
2. You’ve attended far too many classes in a state of mind that is somewhere between "I’m still drunk, so this is kind of amusing. I should Snapchat this" and "I’m so hungover nothing matters besides these attendance points, so just pretend I don’t exist."
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3. Your GPA has been the real Comeback King since freshman year. You’ve learned not to question how you manage to turn low C’s into solid B’s by finals week.
4.Your room resembles that of a spoiled 4-year-old’s playroom. There is no rhyme or reason to where you set your mascara after you use it, and you’ve probably replaced that deodorant that you lost at least twice this month. No matter how bad your living space gets, when you exit your room you’ve managed to put together a killer outfit and find those pumps from last weekend, so you don’t bother cleaning it. It’s organized chaos, right?
5. Your friends and roommates often say things to you like, “I have no idea how you function without me,” or “You did the dishes?!”
6. You have one day dedicated to "adult-ing." This day consists of laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping and homework all rolled into one. AKA Sunday.
7. You NEVER get your mail. When your roommate delivers your parcels, your stress level kicks in, and suddenly you’re a Stepford Wife — paying bills and going grocery shopping. Mail has a weird way of reminding you that you are indeed expected to be an active member of society.
8. You basically always have a coffee in your hand, and your car is a miniature shrine to all the coffees you’ve ever had. It’s just really hard to part with something that was so beneficial to my life, okay?
9. You don’t have actual meals, you power graze. Some noodles here, a hot dog there, glass of wine … Oh look, Chipotle!
10. The stress level brought about by finals week creates a persona that thrives on to-do lists and hourly study schedules. You don’t know the person that takes over your body, but they are very organized.
11. Every morning you plead with the Gods of Adulthood if you could just not today. Just once, could I be pardoned from my duties?
12. When watching "Friends" you relate more to Rachel than Monica. Monica kinda has it together, but Rachel will forever be trying to figure it out.
13. You relate to women like Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer. ‘Cause they’re so chill, you know?
14. When you actually do manage to have a productive day, you have to celebrate. So, you go out with your friends, make a taco dinner at 2 a.m. and basically negate all the adulating you did that day. It happens more than you would think.
15. Despite your inability to have a stable grasp on sustaining yourself, you’re happy with your chaotic life.
