Let's face it, everyone loves "Gossip Girl." Even if you don't watch "Gossip Girl," you love it. I have fallen victim to a "Gossip Girl" addiction two times in my life. I don't know why, but something about watching ridiculously rich people live their ridiculously inaccurately portrayed lives is just so addicting to me. However, without my rose colored Upper East Side lenses, I can tell you that this show is kind of weird. I took everything that happened in the show without question because as a natural addict; I was blind to any confusing or trivial parts. Now looking back on the show, I have so many questions.
1. Does anywhere on the Upper East Side card… ever?
As an underage college student, I understand the excitement of finding a place that doesn’t card. From avidly watching "Gossip Girl," I have realized that my new destiny has to be moving to the Upper East Side because no place there cards. Ever.
2. Why was prostitution so normal?
If we’re being real here, then 75 percent of Chuck’s appearances on the show are accompanied by at least two prostitutes, boasting about his conquests. Did the producers ever stop to think that they were promoting the wrong message and that prostitution is a very serious criminal offense?
3. The waffle cleanse…a new craze made by Rufus Humphrey?
It has become clear to me that all Rufus really knows how to do is make waffles and have an extremely unstable relationship with his daughter. Also, how is everyone on the Upper East Side so fit and attractive when all they eat is waffles?
4. How did Serena get away with murder?
There were obviously hotel surveillance tapes that showed Serena and Georgina leaving the room. Also, when Serena told her friends that she practically committed murder, they were all way too calm. Blair told her to take a "nap" and even her own mother only required that she went and apologized to poor Pete’s parents.
5. Why did no one question the fact that Serena literally only wore her tassel in her hair when she graduated?
Serena, could you just do something right for once in your life.
6. Where did Carter Bason come from?
Who is his family? If he was “cut off,” then how does he still have so much money and is able to disappear to random countries in the blink of an eye? Why does he just keep coming back?
7. Where did Jenny and Dan’s mom go?
Dan, it’s been five seasons and you still have yet to visit your mom. Does she even know that she was a grandma for five episodes?
8. Why was everyone so calm when they found out Jenny was a drug dealer?
All Rufus did was “ban her to the loft” for the 500th time. Newsflash, Rufus, it doesn’t work.
9. How has the amount of times Serena’s been roofied not done any serious brain damage?
This isn't even a traumatic thing anymore.
10. Why did no one tell Dan that his sideburns were out of line by season one?
11. On that matter, how was Chuck not facing serious brain damage from his mass consumption of drugs and alcohol?
I wish I looked half as good as Chuck when I'm hungover.
12. Bottom line: do criminal offenses not matter to anyone on the Upper East Side?
Serena literally got away with murder and Jenny was drug dealer, offenses that both party’s families were completely aware of. However, everyone stayed completely calm. Serena’s only punishment was to apologize to Pete’s family (three years later) and all Rufus did to Jenny was “ban her to the loft” for the 500th time.
13. Who stages their own death?
Bart, I always thought you were weird. However, this is some serious mental institution stuff you're messing around with.
14. Jenny's life was ruined 99 percent of the show because of "Gossip Girl," which was run by her brother.
If that's not sibling love, then I don't know what is.
15. And for the most trivial question of the entire show....Vanessa?
Why?
