Fruitcake is one of those mysterious gifts that everybody receives, but nobody actually enjoys. It mysteriously lasts for a long time, and it does not taste good. If you received a fruitcake this holiday season, here are some ideas for using it.
1. A door stop
Do you have that pesky door that just won't stay open? Throw the fruitcake down, and the door will stay open for as long as you want!
2. A booster seat for kids
Is your child not quite tall enough to sit at the dinner table? Simply place the fruitcake on a chair, and seat the child on top of the fruitcake. They will instantly be able to sit at the grown-up table!
3. A Christmas Tree stand
Is your Christmas Tree stand not festive enough? Use a fruitcake instead. (Bonus: the fruitcake will hold water, just like any other Christmas Tree stand)
4. A bird feeder (Will only work if birds are desperate)
You can try being a bird whisperer by feeding your local birds with the fruitcake! If the birds are hungry enough, this may just work!
5. A bookend
Are you tired of your books constantly falling over? Simply place the fruitcake at the end of your collection, and you have a festive bookend. For extra sturdiness, cut the cake in half and place one half at each end of your book collection.
6. Put it under your pesky neighbor's tire
Do you have that one neighbor that you just can't stand? Place the fruitcake under their tire, and they are almost guaranteed to never speak to you again.
7. A step stool
Do you have that one shelf that is just impossible to reach? Place the fruitcake on the ground and step on it. You are magically taller! (Note: Can also be used as a step platform for aerobics)
8. A beer koozie
Do you need somewhere festive to place your beer? Look no further than the fruitcake!
9. Use it to fix a wobbly table
Do you have to hold onto your drinks when you eat dinner? Place the fruitcake under the uneven leg, and your table is good as new! (Note: You may need to trim fruitcake according to table leg size)
10. A hockey puck
Did you lose all of your hockey pucks again? Simply use the fruitcake! You can even mold it into a hockey puck shape!
11. Save it for trick-or-treaters on Halloween
Would you like to see your fruitcake consumed, but you can't do it yourself? Save it for Halloween! You can cut it into squares or use a cookie cutter for fun Halloween shapes!
12. A boat anchor*
*Will only work on smaller boats. Large boats and cruise ships do not qualify for this offer
13. Throw it at a burglar
Someone break into your house? The weight of the fruitcake is sure to knock any burglar out!
14. Fire wood (most recommended)
If you just want the fruitcake to be gone, simply throw it in your bonfire during this chilly holiday season. It will be gone in no time!
If you unfortunately encountered the dreaded fruitcake this year, hopefully one of these tips will strike your eye, and you will be able to put it to good use.
Feminism Redefined
