After seeing article after article about what to get people for Christmas, I decided it would be fun to write the exact opposite. So here is a list of horrible Christmas presents, thought up by yours truly :)
I wouldn't wish these presents upon my greatest enemies... OK, maybe a few people.
1. All the "Shrek" movies, but in Russian
2. A tooth tunes toothbrush
Merry Christmas. I got you a toothbrush that sings "All Star" while you brush your teeth.
(This present would go perfectly with the Shrek movie series!!!)
3. A baseball hat with Dick Wolf's name on it
"And these are their stories" *DUH-Dun*
4. The Bee Movie soundtrack on vinyl
5. A pamphlet on mesothelioma
Something for you or a loved one.
6. A bed comforter with the cast of Jersey Shore on it
Classiest group of individuals that have ever walked among us.
7. A plethora of VHS tapes
RIP to these retro rectangles. A perfect present for your least favorite millennial since they will most likely have no clue what this is.
8. Kermit the Frog-inspired jewelry
Why is this even a real thing??
9. A giant cut-out poster of Ted Cruz
I couldn't find a not terrifying gif of Ted Cruz, so here's Kevin from the Office. Basically the same person, right?
10. Anything Nickelback
Wow, this is truly the meanest/best insult I have ever heard.
11. A collage of their cringy middle school pictures
^ ^ ^ Genuine cringey middle school pictures.
Not to be dramatic but if someone gave me this for Christmas I'd probably flee the country just out of sheer embarrassment.
12. Heelys but with no wheels
That's just taking it too far. Absolutely heartless.