13 Legitimately Awful Christmas Presents You Should Never Give, Ever

13 Legitimately Awful Christmas Presents You Should Never Give, Ever

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.
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After seeing article after article about what to get people for Christmas, I decided it would be fun to write the exact opposite. So here is a list of horrible Christmas presents, thought up by yours truly :)

I wouldn't wish these presents upon my greatest enemies... OK, maybe a few people.

Merry Christmas.

1. All the "Shrek" movies, but in Russian

2. A tooth tunes toothbrush

Merry Christmas. I got you a toothbrush that sings "All Star" while you brush your teeth.

(This present would go perfectly with the Shrek movie series!!!)

3. A baseball hat with Dick Wolf's name on it

"And these are their stories" *DUH-Dun*

4. The Bee Movie soundtrack on vinyl

5. A pamphlet on mesothelioma

Something for you or a loved one.

6. A bed comforter with the cast of Jersey Shore on it

Classiest group of individuals that have ever walked among us.

7. A plethora of VHS tapes

RIP to these retro rectangles. A perfect present for your least favorite millennial since they will most likely have no clue what this is.

8. Kermit the Frog-inspired jewelry

Why is this even a real thing??

9. A giant cut-out poster of Ted Cruz

I couldn't find a not terrifying gif of Ted Cruz, so here's Kevin from the Office. Basically the same person, right?

10. Anything Nickelback

Wow, this is truly the meanest/best insult I have ever heard.

11. A collage of their cringy middle school pictures

^ ^ ^ Genuine cringey middle school pictures.

Not to be dramatic but if someone gave me this for Christmas I'd probably flee the country just out of sheer embarrassment.

12. Heelys but with no wheels

That's just taking it too far. Absolutely heartless.

13. A 30-hour recording of Bill Clinton's famous line:

Cover Image Credit: Warner Bros. TV

Popular Right Now

15 Thoughts Every Girl Has In A Tanning Bed

"Haha, imagine if I got stuck."
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If you have ever been in a tanning bed, you know it is easily the most boring 10 minutes of your life, and some beds are even longer than that! Unless you have a really good playlist of songs or you can take a quick nap, you usually just lay there, staring at the lights while the bed whirs and colors your skin. Here's just a few thoughts every girl has while in a tanning bed:

1) I hope I put enough lotion on... maybe I should get out and put on more...

No matter how much you think you used, you should always use more. Somehow it's better and you get more tan.

2) Maybe if I keep the fan on I'll sweat more and burn more calories….Okay nope can't do it with the fan on.

It gets way too hot in these beds to have that fan off, no matter how many calories you could burn.

3) Maybe if I put the towel under my head, I can make a little pillow!

And when there are no towels? Well, that is just a disaster and you have to make do with your hair or shirt.

4) Haha, imagine if I got stuck.

Whenever this thought crosses my mind, I have to lift the bed a little bit to make sure it'll still open and will let me out.

5) Do you think I'm tan yet?

No, 10 minutes is not enough time to become a new shade.

6) Do you think they cleaned this bed? They have to, right?

Although it is on their list of things they have to do, you always wipe it down right before you get in anyway. Just to be sure...

7) Let me put this in my Snapchat story! Cute little emoji... perfect!

Every girl has done this picture at least once.

8) Do you think they can hear me singing? Oh well...

The employees will be getting their own personal rock show today!

9) Is it illegal to tan twice in one day?

Yes, yes it is,...though it doesn't stop you from thinking you can get away with it though.

10) If I don't move, I can't get weird tan lines.

I speak from experience that this is not a true fact though it doesn't stop me from testing it out.

11) I hope my goggles don't give me a raccoon tan.

One can only pray...

12) I've only been in here for five minutes, are you serious?

Beauty and perfection take time!

13) $80 lotion are they serious? Oh my gosh, it smells like pina coladas! Okay, yes, I'm buying a bottle.

Lotions are ridiculously overpriced, but that will not stop you from having the nicest smelling one, like Snooki's brand... because of Snooki.

14) Am I even getting tan? Is this doing anything?

Despite popular belief, it is doing something.

15) Ugh, finally I'm done. And I burnt my butt….

Always. Never fails.



A special thanks to my friend Liza who helped me think of these!

Cover Image Credit: usatoday.com

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Christmas Of Remembrance Series: My Last Letter

Christmas time is not about the gifts... It is about something far, far more special.

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Dear Reader,

Thank you for your time.

This is a series that I have dedicated to those I have loved and lost. It was merely a thought, then an idea, and now a realized creation. Christmas time… all winter really is a hard time for me. It holds this duality in my life of being both my favorite and also my least favorite and difficult time of year. It has been that way for years now.

In a way, this series aids my closure and healing further, and it allows me to tell my story in a way that, to me, is less scary (one of the many great facets of this platform). It was never my intention to write this in order to reach people, or encourage people, or serve as an inspiration to anyone. This was for me and only me. No one else. But, if these pieces of writing do impact someone, somewhere, or make them feel encouraged or inspired in some way or another, or just simply make them feel, then I hope you have enjoyed them. If I can make someone feel, then I guess I have done my job.

The life of an artist is often an uncertain one. The life of a human is a trying one. But life is a journey, and all journeys have their trials. Their tests. Their triumphs and rewards. And they all have their losses. What matters most is what you make of all of it. What lessons you learn. What changes you make. What life you create for yourself. What art you create because of it all. It can be very, very hard. But it can all be glorious at the same time.

At the heart of this series, my words, there is this deep and valuable belief of mine: Christmas (or the Winter Holiday that you may celebrate) is so much more about presents and cooking and shopping and all that other bullshit… it is about family.

The family that is related by blood. The family that surrounds your heart. Your Mom. Your brother. Your dearest friends. The bonds that make life valuable. Worth living. These bonds are soulful bonds, ones that are far more special than any mere trivial object. So… be with them. Forgive. Forget. Heal. Mend what is broken. Reassemble what has been shattered. And stop worrying so much. Laugh together. Cry together. Heal on another. Heal together. And may your new days be better, brighter, and full of love.

Happy Holidays.

Ty


A song for you...

"Sense of Home" — Harrison Storm / YouTube

If you liked this series, I invite you to check out my previous article below…

To My Fellow 孤, The Sons Without Fathers On Father’s Day

As well as this article by a fellow creator…

What You Learn Losing A Parent So Young

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