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13 Legitimately Awful Christmas Presents You Should Never Give, Ever

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.

Madison McNulty

Dec 05, 2017

Louisiana State University

113

13 Legitimately Awful Christmas Presents You Should Never Give, Ever

Warner Bros. TV

After seeing article after article about what to get people for Christmas, I decided it would be fun to write the exact opposite. So here is a list of horrible Christmas presents, thought up by yours truly :)

I wouldn't wish these presents upon my greatest enemies... OK, maybe a few people.

Merry Christmas.

1. All the "Shrek" movies, but in Russian

2. A tooth tunes toothbrush

Merry Christmas. I got you a toothbrush that sings "All Star" while you brush your teeth.

(This present would go perfectly with the Shrek movie series!!!)

3. A baseball hat with Dick Wolf's name on it

"And these are their stories" *DUH-Dun*

4. The Bee Movie soundtrack on vinyl

5. A pamphlet on mesothelioma

Something for you or a loved one.

6. A bed comforter with the cast of Jersey Shore on it

Classiest group of individuals that have ever walked among us.

7. A plethora of VHS tapes

RIP to these retro rectangles. A perfect present for your least favorite millennial since they will most likely have no clue what this is.

8. Kermit the Frog-inspired jewelry

Why is this even a real thing??

9. A giant cut-out poster of Ted Cruz

I couldn't find a not terrifying gif of Ted Cruz, so here's Kevin from the Office. Basically the same person, right?

10. Anything Nickelback

Wow, this is truly the meanest/best insult I have ever heard.

11. A collage of their cringy middle school pictures

^ ^ ^ Genuine cringey middle school pictures.

Not to be dramatic but if someone gave me this for Christmas I'd probably flee the country just out of sheer embarrassment.

12. Heelys but with no wheels

That's just taking it too far. Absolutely heartless.

13. A 30-hour recording of Bill Clinton's famous line:

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

13 Legitimately Awful Christmas Presents You Should Never Give, Ever

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.

1. All the "Shrek" movies, but in Russian

2. A tooth tunes toothbrush

3. A baseball hat with Dick Wolf's name on it

4. The Bee Movie soundtrack on vinyl

5. A pamphlet on mesothelioma

6. A bed comforter with the cast of Jersey Shore on it

7. A plethora of VHS tapes

8. Kermit the Frog-inspired jewelry

9. A giant cut-out poster of Ted Cruz

10. Anything Nickelback

11. A collage of their cringy middle school pictures

12. Heelys but with no wheels

13. A 30-hour recording of Bill Clinton's famous line:

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I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

13. What is your ideal date night?

14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Can you describe yourself in three words?

18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

19. What's the best gift you have ever received?

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

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There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

A bad day at the lake is still better than a good day not at the lake.

You know the best beaches and coves to go to.

You have no patience for the guy who can't back his trailer into the water right.

Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

The cooler is always packed, mostly with beer.

Giving the idiot who goes 30 in a "No Wake Zone" a piece of your mind.

You have no problem with peeing in the water.

You know the frustration of getting your anchor stuck.

Watching in awe at the bigger, better boats that pass by.

Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

The momentary fear for your life as you get launched from the tube.

You're able to go to the restaurants by the water wearing minimal clothing.

Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

There's no better place you'd rather be in the summer.

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