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13 All-Time Favorite Jokes

Guaranteed to Brighten Your Day!

Katie Colwell

Sep 27, 2023

Oakland University

39895

Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

I consider myself a master of jokes. In my time, I have accumulated many knock knock jokes, puns, and classic dad jokes. So here for you are my absolute favorite that will be sure to get people to either laugh or groan.

1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

full-moon betta fish Photo by Kyaw Tun on Unsplash

This one is my go-to. It never fails to get a laugh. Pro tip: Extend the sh a bit, it really makes the joke.

2. How do billboards talk?

Selective focus photography of jolly woman using peace hand gesture Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Sign language

Lol, get it? Because billboards are signs.

3. What do you call a bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel

assorted doughnuts & baggels a Photo by Alice Pasqual on Unsplash

4. Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4 then they would be called chicken sedans.

brown hen on brown wooden fence Photo by Tom Ungerer on Unsplash

This one is so bad it's good.

5. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

black and yellow lego minifig Photo by Márton Szalai on Unsplash

Walking. J.K. Rowling

This is a personal favorite and not just because I love Harry Potter. I usually cannot get to the punch line with out falling over laughing. Trust me, I have witnesses. Pro tip: You should add a pause between "walking" and "J.K. Rowling." It adds some necessary suspense.

6. Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

white and blue paper on pink surface Photo by Olga Thelavart on Unsplash

This is perfect if you are a common jokester. People will be expecting something bad and get something worse.

7. Points to graveyard people are just dying to get in there.

gray concrete cross on green grass field during daytime Photo by Waldemar on Unsplash

8. A giraffe and a man walk into a bar. The giraffe falls down and the man asks, "why you lying?" The giraffe says, "I'm not a lion, I'm a giraffe!"

brown and white giraffe Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash

I assume the giraffe was pretty offended.

9. What time is it? "It's 2:30." Well, you should go to the dentist if you're tooth-hurty.

person holding brown and white round ornament Photo by Amr Taha™ on Unsplash

10. You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you are American when you come out. But what are you when you're in there?

European

man in blue crew neck shirt under blue sky during daytime Photo by Henri Lajarrige Lombard on Unsplash

11. Knock knock. "Who's there?" You're up. "You're up who?" No, you're a poo.

a pair of masks on a green surface Photo by Elena Rabkina on Unsplash

You really got to unlock your inner child for this one.

12. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

6 Reasons Why Betta Fish Make The Best Pets https://pixabay.com/en/animal-nature-fish-water-wi...

It's all in the delivery.

13. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

brown coated monkey on branch Photo by Jamie Haughton on Unsplash

BA-NA-NA-NA

This here is a classic. Pro tip: You really got to get into the BANANANA. Pretend to play the piano, really nail the NANANA. Bonus points if you do it on a table or have an actual banana.

So here you are, folks. My all time favorite and best jokes. Use them wisely.

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13 All-Time Favorite Jokes

Guaranteed to Brighten Your Day!

1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

2. How do billboards talk?

Sign language

3. What do you call a bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel

4. Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4 then they would be called chicken sedans.

5. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

Walking. J.K. Rowling

6. Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

7. *Points to graveyard* people are just dying to get in there.

8. A giraffe and a man walk into a bar. The giraffe falls down and the man asks, "why you lying?" The giraffe says, "I'm not a lion, I'm a giraffe!"

9. What time is it? "It's 2:30." Well, you should go to the dentist if you're tooth-hurty.

10. You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you are American when you come out. But what are you when you're in there?

European

11. Knock knock. "Who's there?" You're up. "You're up who?" No, you're a poo.

12. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

13. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

BA-NA-NA-NA

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

7. Points to graveyard people are just dying to get in there.

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