I consider myself a master of jokes. In my time, I have accumulated many knock knock jokes, puns, and classic dad jokes. So here for you are my absolute favorite that will be sure to get people to either laugh or groan.
1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
This one is my go-to. It never fails to get a laugh. Pro tip: Extend the sh a bit, it really makes the joke.
2. How do billboards talk?
Lol, get it? Because billboards are signs.
3. What do you call a bagel that can fly?
A plain bagel
4. Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 then they would be called chicken sedans.
This one is so bad it's good.
5. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking. J.K. Rowling
This is a personal favorite and not just because I love Harry Potter. I usually cannot get to the punch line with out falling over laughing. Trust me, I have witnesses. Pro tip: You should add a pause between "walking" and "J.K. Rowling." It adds some necessary suspense.
6. Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
This is perfect if you are a common jokester. People will be expecting something bad and get something worse.
7. *Points to graveyard* people are just dying to get in there.
8. A giraffe and a man walk into a bar. The giraffe falls down and the man asks, "why you lying?" The giraffe says, "I'm not a lion, I'm a giraffe!"
I assume the giraffe was pretty offended.
9. What time is it? "It's 2:30." Well, you should go to the dentist if you're tooth-hurty.
10. You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you are American when you come out. But what are you when you're in there?
11. Knock knock. "Who's there?" You're up. "You're up who?" No, you're a poo.
You really got to unlock your inner child for this one.
12. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.
It's all in the delivery.
13. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?
This here is a classic. Pro tip: You really got to get into the BANANANA. Pretend to play the piano, really nail the NANANA. Bonus points if you do it on a table or have an actual banana.
So here you are, folks. My all time favorite and best jokes. Use them wisely.