All-Time Favorite Jokes
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13 All-Time Favorite Jokes

Guaranteed to Brighten Your Day!

smiling woman wearing gray hoodie
Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

I consider myself a master of jokes. In my time, I have accumulated many knock knock jokes, puns, and classic dad jokes. So here for you are my absolute favorite that will be sure to get people to either laugh or groan.

1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?


full-moon betta fish Photo by Kyaw Tun on Unsplash

This one is my go-to. It never fails to get a laugh. Pro tip: Extend the sh a bit, it really makes the joke.

2. How do billboards talk?

Selective focus photography of jolly woman using peace hand gesture Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Sign language

Lol, get it? Because billboards are signs.

3. What do you call a bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel

assorted doughnuts & baggelsa Photo by Alice Pasqual on Unsplash

4. Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4 then they would be called chicken sedans.

brown hen on brown wooden fence Photo by Tom Ungerer on Unsplash

This one is so bad it's good.

5. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

black and yellow lego minifig Photo by Márton Szalai on Unsplash

Walking. J.K. Rowling

This is a personal favorite and not just because I love Harry Potter. I usually cannot get to the punch line with out falling over laughing. Trust me, I have witnesses. Pro tip: You should add a pause between "walking" and "J.K. Rowling." It adds some necessary suspense.

6. Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

white and blue paper on pink surface Photo by Olga Thelavart on Unsplash

This is perfect if you are a common jokester. People will be expecting something bad and get something worse.

7. *Points to graveyard* people are just dying to get in there.

gray concrete cross on green grass field during daytime Photo by Waldemar on Unsplash

8. A giraffe and a man walk into a bar. The giraffe falls down and the man asks, "why you lying?" The giraffe says, "I'm not a lion, I'm a giraffe!"

brown and white giraffe Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash

I assume the giraffe was pretty offended.

9. What time is it? "It's 2:30." Well, you should go to the dentist if you're tooth-hurty.

person holding brown and white round ornament Photo by Amr Taha™ on Unsplash

10. You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you are American when you come out. But what are you when you're in there?


man in blue crew neck shirt under blue sky during daytime Photo by Henri Lajarrige Lombard on Unsplash

11. Knock knock. "Who's there?" You're up. "You're up who?" No, you're a poo.

a pair of masks on a green surface Photo by Elena Rabkina on Unsplash

You really got to unlock your inner child for this one.

12. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

6 Reasons Why Betta Fish Make The Best Pets

It's all in the delivery.

13. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

brown coated monkey on branch Photo by Jamie Haughton on Unsplash


This here is a classic. Pro tip: You really got to get into the BANANANA. Pretend to play the piano, really nail the NANANA. Bonus points if you do it on a table or have an actual banana.

So here you are, folks. My all time favorite and best jokes. Use them wisely.

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