Too many of my friends tell me that I'm actually an old person trapped inside of a 20-year-old's body. Maybe they have a point, but I like to simply say that I've been blessed with an old spirit.
In any case, I have compiled a list of 12 food items that old people tend to enjoy that are STILL ACTUALLY KINDA GOOD. I have admittedly tried all of the following foods and beverages and can personally say that they are, indeed, quite great. I am fully aware that the haters gon' hate (hate, hate, hate, hate), but to all the elderly people out there nommin’ on their soft foods and fibrous biscuits, this girl’s got your back.
Because of its fibrous flakes and multitude of lightly sugared raisins, Raisin Bran has become a classic breakfast favorite amongst the elderly. But before you judge or cringe, have you ever actually tried a bowl? It’s not bad. And it’s way better for you than Coco Puffs or Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Quaker Oatmeal/ Cream of Wheat
Following in suit, if your dear gran isn’t feelin’ like grabbing herself a bowl full of the trusty Raisin Bran, you better believe a hot breakfast of Quaker Oatmeal or Cream of Wheat is her dependable alternative. Oatmeal is gaining popularity amongst the younger generations as well, so it’s only a matter of time before cream of wheat gets there too. Long live the hot breakfast.
Not only are prunes a great source of fiber, but they are also the perfect combination of tangy and sweet. I completely understand why they (and their juice form) are a favorite amongst the elderly generations.
Served hot and ready in a large casserole dish, you already know this dessert will be available at any family reunion that involves old people. It’s gooey, it’s sweet, and oh is it buttery. Although it may look a little bit like chunky throw up, it honestly tastes so much better than it looks.
Butter pecan ice cream
Stop it right now if you are judging or hating on this one. It honestly just tastes like a way better version of vanilla ice cream. How can anyone have a problem with that?
So this is the only one on this list that I actually don’t really understand. There are so many other (keyword) delicious ways to get your fiber, so why settle on putting spoonfuls of dusty fiber powder in your water? But this is definitely something you’re almost guaranteed to find in any old person’s kitchen cabinet. Right next to the horde of plastic pill organizers.
Green Bean Casserole
You can typically find a solid green bean casserole around Thanksgiving, but this not-actually-super-healthy side dish can be found more frequently if you make a habit of dining with the elderly. Casseroles in general are just a hit, but green bean casserole is almost always a reliable starting point.
You know what goes great with a green bean casserole? Meatloaf. I honestly think the name of this food item is what disheartens most people. I mean, saying you’re about to eat a loaf of meat for dinner doesn’t sound like the most appetizing thing ever. But in reality, meatloaf is actually pretty tasty — especially if it’s made with a generous helping of ketchup.
Cracker Barrel (but really, any buffet)
Literally, walk into any Cracker Barrel in America and tell me that the majority of the clientele isn’t elderly. Ask your own grandparents or old-aged relatives what their favorite casual dining spot is, and tell me they don’t give you a list of buffets with Cracker Barrel taking the lead spot. I don’t blame them for their common love of buffets though; they’re easy, relatively satisfying, and cheap. Personally, I’ve never been disappointed with my meal when the g-parents take me out to lunch at the CB.
Fruit cocktail from a can
Maybe it has something to do with the mentality of living off of rations during WWII, or just the fact that it’s easy and can last forever. But fruit cocktail and all its syrupy goodness is like a staple in every old person's kitchen pantry. I always enjoy getting the questionably bright pink cherry among the tinted orange peaches and off-white sliced pears.
Jar of Vibrantly-Colored Hard Candies
I would like to know of a house inhabited by anyone 70+ that doesn’t boast a plentiful jar of multi-colored hard candies. What is the deal with old people and their hard candies?? Whatever it is, I don’t hate it. Pass me the Werther’s Originals.
The classic easy-to-make, easy-to-eat, low-cal dessert. What else can an elderly person ask for? I personally have many fond memories of making cherry and apple-flavored Jell-O with my grandpa during family gatherings at their home in Florida (obviously, Florida).
So there you have it. A complete list of the principle go-to food items for the elderly. But seriously, everyone should just give some of these foods a try (for the first time, or again). You just might find that your beloved grand-pops and nanna might actually be onto something.