I was in 5th grade when my grandfather passed away. I was still attending school and the following days were hard on me, knowing that we had lost such a strong man in our family. Growing up my grandfather and I were close, I spent a lot of time with him and my grandmother on their little farm and they took me to all of their farm events.

On the farm he let me play with the rabbits, guinea pigs and ferrets they raised. Together we spent a good amount of time playing Barbies. Yes, my grandfather who is close to 6 ft, manipulated his voice so he could like a little girl and play barbies with me. At the time, he was a man of many words but I was also 11 when he passed, so who knows what I could have learned from him.

For many years I didn't think much about him unless my friends and I were speaking about our family. Recently though, I cannot help but think about what I missed out on since he passed. See my grandfather was really good at math and was an incredibly smart man, or so I had been told. In high school, I took advanced math classes and always did well and the same goes for the math I took in college, it was all so fun to me. Sounds weird, but every time I do math I think about him.

Often now I think about how proud he would be of my academic accomplishments and the things I have been able to do in life. He always seemed like a hard man but I know he had a soft spot for me. As I advance in my academic career I imagine what it would be like if he was there when I graduated high school, and what he would have said when I was invited to join my college's chapter of the Math Honor Society, KME.

Growing up without someone is weird, I've been left with questions about what I could have learned or things I could have done, conversations that could have happened. Now I just think about the memories I have left, and continue to hold them close.