If you're a rising Junior or Senior, (or sophomore in the case of being incredibly ambitious) you're likely frantically looking for a Summer Internship. That means that on top of keeping up with your normal studies, work, volunteering, and brunch plans, you're also checking LinkedIn like your life depends on it and writing countless cover letters where you describe just why you would like to work for people for free!
But it's kind of exciting right! I mean what's better than being paid in experience? If you're in the media field like me, you might be looking for your very own Miranda Priestly to walk all over you.
You are probably also compiling a working list of everyone you know who has ever had a job and if you can ask them for help, but you are hoping to get something on your own though. Or maybe not, you little Paris Hilton, you!
1. LinkedIn, you’re a petty b*tch
As useful as you are, nobody asked you how many other applicants there were. Did I really need to know that one thousand others applied? I feel really good about this now, thanks.
2. Is my Resumé even good?
I struggled fitting this all on one page, but like did I even do anything? Why am I not allowed to say I was a Girl Scout until 5th grade? I feel like everyone needs to know that.
3. Are they even going to look at this?
I am just picturing myself being thrown into a trash bin.
4.Why is everyone asking me to immediately interview?
Ughhhhh I can't be there right now. I'm in school! I thought this was in the Summer and also why are you so opposed to a FaceTime interview?
5. LinkedIn “Easy Apply” is addictive.
When all I have to do is make a few clicks, how do I stop? Is there a program to wean me off of this?
6. Is this Internship even real?
It is important to be discerning. Why are they trying to make me watch this video before I apply. This is strange, back to "Easy Apply" I go.
7. Everyone is really pushing this “no coffee” mantra.
If I had a dollar for every company that says "don't worry, you won't just be getting coffee." Well, I wouldn't need to get an internship. First of all, I'd like to point out that this does not negate the idea that I will indeed be getting coffee, this statement just clarifies that it won't be the only thing I'm doing. Honestly could I opt out of the other stuff? Coffee and further responsibilities seems like a lot of work. Some companies are bold enough to say "you won't be getting coffee." And I'll be taking a printout of that statement right over to the legal department when Steve asks me to go get him a grande chai latte every Monday!
8. How am I going to get clothes for this?
Do you ever just feel like you need to find out who the sons are of the owners of White House Black Market and start dating them ASAP? I have one pair of work pants to my name. One.
9. I really hope I get one
I want to do something cool. I want my parents to understand why we are paying for college. I want this to make it into the Christmas letter, ya know?
10. LinkedIn you petty b*tch
"We found jobs at Chipotle Mexican Grill and 6 others you may be interested in." The audacity. I love Chipotle, and nothing against anyone who works there (although I do kind of have a weird time every time I go in there like the one time a guy there asked me if my burrito was rolled tightly enough and I felt like we weren't talking about burritos), but I am not on LinkedIn to try to get a job at Chipotle. It's like they know I am not going to get any of these fancy ones and are offering me a back up plan as we speak. Maybe I should just go work there so I can get an inside connection to officially start my petition to stop charging extra for guac.
Well, if you're applying for internships good luck.Just don't apply to any of the ones I'm applying for, thanks. If you're reading this and I've applied to your internship, I was joking about applying to so many, yours was the only one I cared about, I promise!