It's been about two weeks since I quit driving cold turkey. I say quit because, as an aggressive driver, driving is more of an addiction than a task. The shakes and impulsive need to tell people directions have faded, but that itch to sit behind the wheel of a car never fades. Directing other freshmen around campus is a poor substitute for navigating a car.
Here are 10 signs you too are an aggressive driver:
1. You get mad when other people don't follow the speed lanes on interstates.
If you're doing 65 mph or less (maybe you're writing a book while driving?), you better keep your car in the far right lane. If you're in the left lane, your speedometer doesn't dip under 85 mph. Ever.
2. You've been flipped off for flashing your headlights.
When you're stuck behind someone in the wrong interstate lane or a car in a no-passing zone driving under (under!) the speed limit, you flash those headlights. Sometimes people get mad, but you get results.
3. You've done the "jersey slide".
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If you're a courteous driver, you may not be familiar with this hallmark of aggressive New Jersey driving. Essentially, it's when you cut across all the lanes of traffic in one motion, typically to exit or get around a bad driver.
4. You have a system for running red lights.
If you are more than halfway through the intersection when the light changes (thanks, accelerator), it doesn't count. Also, waiting in the intersection to make a left on red — whether you are the first or second car to turn — is second nature.
5. You feel giddy when you enter a passing zone.
Just the freedom to speed past bad, annoying, or slow drivers fills you up with a childish happiness. Even if you're the only person on the road, that dashed line brings you joy.
6. You have tips for evading tickets.
Maybe it's a story that works for you when you're pulled over, maybe it's a technique to prevent the radar gun from registering your speed. Either way, you have a keen eye for those black and white cars.
7. You come up with names for other drivers you're sharing the road with.
Whether they are polite enough to share or the kind you forget once you utter them, chances are you use nicknames. It makes talking to the other drivers easier.
8. Your passengers complain about the driving, but never about being late.
You usually arrive on time or even early, but everyone would rather share their comments on that tight space while changing lanes twenty minutes ago. Consider it a small victory.
9. You're an equal-opportunity seat driver.
Regardless of which seat you're seated in, you know how to drive and you are not afraid to share this information with your fellow passengers.
10. You like to cut cars off in crosswalks.
On the pedestrian side, you have the power to walk in a crosswalk and make traffic stop. Isn't it fun to use it?
