10 Signs You're a God Damn Coffee Addict

10 Signs You're a God Damn Coffee Addict

The delightful drink from the Starbucks (or Dunkin Donuts) gods is the answer to desperate college students’ prayers of hope to survive finals.

Photo by GC Libraries Creative Tech Lab on Unsplash

Ah, finals, the bane of every college students’ existence. You’re stressed, maxing out on your patience for studying for every class. Late all-nighters are common this time of year. But of course, there’s always one thing that can get you through it all: coffee! The delightful drink from the Starbucks (or Dunkin Donuts) gods is the answer to desperate college students’ prayers of hope to survive finals. If you’re somehow unsure if you’re becoming too reliant on coffee this time of year, here are 10 signs that you’re definitely a god damn coffee addict.

1. The first thought you have every morning is, “I need coffee” as you stare at your bloodshot eyes in the mirror.

You just can’t help it bro, you just can’t. That all-nighter freaking killed ya.

2. When you make coffee in the morning, you lean in to smell the delightful scent of freshly brewed coffee.

Dude, nothing beats the smell. It’s like crack.

3. You have a rule every morning: “Don’t bug me until I’ve had my coffee!”

Don’t even bother sending us addicts texts asking for favors or to ask us to come in early for work, fam. Just don’t even bother because we’ll just look at your messages and leave you on “Read.”

4. You have your “go to” barista to make your specific coffee order. If they’re not there, then you sure as hell aren’t letting anyone else serve you.

Sure yeah, you know your barista’s name and their birthday. They’re your go-to person to vent to about your crappy day (or week). They’re your confidante, your everything! Baristas are the unsung heroes of society. They deserve the world, especially when they deal with unrelenting customers that aren’t you.

5. Your friends notice when you DON’T have coffee cause you’re so grumpy without it. (They also say “Uh oh” when you tell them that you haven’t had coffee all day.)

Man, if you don’t have your coffee, it shows. Don’t deny it! We all have that one grumpy personality that pops up when we’re functioning on zero caffeine! It’s just an ugly sight when that crap starts to get noticeable...

6. You can have coffee at any time of the day and still get energized by the caffeine.

As a coffee addict, you know (or should know) that the optimal time to have coffee is between 10 a.m. to noon and 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. (Also, fun fact: Coffee isn’t as effective after 5 p.m.) Yet, even despite knowing this tidbit, you still get coffee, regardless of the time of day. (Hell, I got a grande Starbucks cold brew at 8 p.m tonight to write this article, true story.)

7. You love hot and iced coffee equally. Or, you prefer a specific type of coffee. Either or, doesn’t matter, you’re an addict!

I personally prefer iced coffee over hot coffee (mostly because iced coffee is loaded with more sugar and caffeine to begin with), but hey, coffee’s coffee, am I right?

8. You have multiple cups of coffee a day.

Who cares? You can handle it! Who needs sleep anyways?

9. You drink coffee even if you visibly shake from the caffeine or your right eye twitches.

No? Just me? K.

10. You always have coffee every single day (Duh!)

Bruh, gotta get them cups of Joe!

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