The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a coming of age story written by Stephen Chbosky about a 15-year-old boy named Charlie who is dealing with the aftermath of his friend Michael’s suicide. In order to lessen the stress and anxiety of starting high school, the book is set up in a way that Charlie seems to be writing letters to a stranger about his experiences after he has them and the readers of the book are also the ones reading Charlie’s letters. Between the awesome film adaptation and the relatively short, yet meaningful book version, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is one of the most relatable and realistic works of fiction I’ve ever read and watched, with some amazing quotes that will make you feel something.

1. “We didn't talk about anything heavy or light. We were just there together. And that was enough”

Sometimes the best of friends are the ones that don’t need anything from you, but you. They’re the ones that put up with you all of the time, even when you’re not being yourself because they simply like your company and enjoy your existence no matter what you’re doing with them.

2. “I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with someone even if they could have. I need to know these people exist.”

In a world full of constant disappointment and uncertainty, it’s hard to ever know if there still are good people out there who have the right intentions and have the capability of caring for someone or something other than themselves. If you’re one of those people who has thought enough about this and are waiting for that someone to come around, it turns out that you probably are that someone. There has to be another someone like you just waiting to be found.

3. “I just want you to know that you’re very special… and the only reason I’m telling you is that I don’t know if anyone else ever has.”

We’re told that we’re not supposed to care what other people think and then we put up these big shields to distort the view of our real self to others in order to not let them see through. But it’s all a lie, because we are always going to be shaped by the visions of others so when our shields eventually dwindle down to nothing and someone takes notice to us, it’s okay. Validation from others is always an okay thing, and sometimes it’s exactly what we need in order to realize that we’re actually here and that we’re important.

4. “I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.”

It’s so hard when someone else you love is going through a tough time and you’re supposed to be the “strong one” constantly. You’ve always been the smart one, or the responsible one, or the dependable one, or the one who always has the right answers. You need to stay together because if you don’t, you’re just one more thing added to the pile that has fallen apart, and there’s already too many of those, you’re not special. This kind of thinking will drive you crazy and it eventually all builds up until you finally collapse into yourself because you didn’t think you were struggling as much as someone else. I can not stress enough that no matter how bad of a break anyone else has around you, your feelings and your pain still matter too.

5. “Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.”

A lot of people will come in and out of your life in a blink of an eye whether you want them gone or not. Some of these instances are only temporary- you had to part for your respective reasons, but you know you’ll stay in touch and meet again. Some people on the other hand are people you’ll never see again or never want to see again, and they remain only in your memories. Things and people are constantly changing because life stays on a one way track that only goes forward. The only thing we have that remains still are our memories, for memories will always remain the same.

6. “He's a wallflower. You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.”

Seeing, paying attention, noticing, observing, interpreting, and then knowing how you feel about something you see rather than speaking or acting on something right away is such a powerful feeling. Often we are too quick judge things we see rather than understanding them first and we feed into the overflowing pool of ignorance.

7. “It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.”

Sometimes we want people to like the real us, even the parts of us that we try to hide deep deep down for no one to see. But unfortunately, a lot of people don’t like to dig down deep and they’re either drawn in by their own depiction of what they think we’re like for real or scared away by the very same thing. When we find people that like us for what they think we are, are we supposed to just settle for this fake self because we are content, or do we dive into the land of uncertainty and wait for that one person who knows the real us, good and bad? A person who ends up making us feel more certain about our true self, more than we ever knew could be possible.

8. “And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”

Your life has gone to turmoil and you never imagined this is where you would be or how you would feel at this point in your life. You’re bored out of your mind but at the same you can’t stop fixating on all of your problems that aren’t even big problems compared to how bad someone else has it. With all of this going on, you eventually find yourself stuck and at the same time drowning, but you see the light in front of you that you know will free you from all of it. Those little moments where you can forget about your problems and the darkness and the feeling of being stuck are the ones that make you feel infinite, and you don’t even realize until after they’re over that you were “living in the moment” finally. All you can do for certain after that is try to chase those feelings for the rest of your life, not for anyone else, but for yourself.

9. “So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”

How is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time, one may think? I guess only the ones who have actually experienced it for themselves can truly understand. Sometimes the greatest possible thing can be going on in your life, and you’re supposed to be happy, you’d be a fool not to be happy about something like this, but you only find yourself trying to keep out the same sadness you’ve known for the majority of your life. No matter how hard you try to enjoy this happy moment, sometimes the sad feelings don’t go away and it’s so hard for other people to understand, so you fake the smile and you lie. This doesn’t mean that in all of the happy moments you necessarily feel sad, but it doesn’t make it any easier when you do. Life is about trying to figure out other people, but most importantly, yourself, and being aware of how you truly feel rather than just avoiding it.

10. “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

I’ve absolutely always loved this quote, but I never truly understood what it actually meant until recently. We put so much effort into trying to be with other people who we think we like, and then we get an amazing sense of validation when they actually like us back. We do nice things for this person and devote our time to them without ever realizing in the process that we’re exhausted, but we don’t realize this exhaustion because we’re blinded by the idea of being in love. We’ve tried our hardest to still make things work even if it’s with a person we don’t truly love and aren’t truly happy with because we deserve it for all the work we’ve put it. But this isn’t how it should be, and once we have the strength to realize that, even though it hurts like hell, that’s when we can find someone else to be with that feels right. When it’s right, there should be no disappointments, heartache, or uncertainty- it will be effortless.