I do not know what path you have walked; I can only imagine myself in your shoes. I do not know the emotions that are thumping in your chest and coursing through your veins, but I can see how they affect you. It's written all over your face. I cannot begin to understand how the previous pieces of your journey come into play, how those parts of your story can impact your current self, but I will lend an ear and listen, wholeheartedly listen, and reassure you that it will all be okay.
Maybe that's not what you want to hear. Perhaps, you are quite sick and tired of those telling you that these current moments will lead you to wherever it is you need to be. Perhaps those words sound like a cop-out for, "I really have no clue what it is you're supposed to be doing." I can understand that.
What I am hearing and seeing is that you feel stuck. The ambiguity before you feels daunting, overwhelming, and maybe even crippling. Your heart hurts, your eyes are tired, and you are wondering if things will ever work in your favor. You are frustrated because a good thing tends to end too soon. You are upset because you consistently put your heart and soul into all before you, and still, you feel shortchanged. You are stumped at what you can be doing differently to ensure these things do not continue to happen.
I've been there.
And I wish I could tell you where this all will lead, but that is where I need you to hold on tight and enjoy this lovely little ride, all while knowing this universe has its plan for you. You should not have to force what is meant to be; all of those things will so naturally grace you with their presence. The mountains and the valleys are such a vital part of this life. If you begin to coast on the highs, you will forget all that it took you to get there. Those good things lose their credibility. Every single moment you have lived, you have worked for. Some may not seem that way, but I ensure you that in retrospect, those puzzle pieces fit together to form the image that is your current situation.
When you are stuck in a valley, struggling to find your way out, the frustration grows. Your mind is not thinking, "oh but what could this mean for where I am headed next." Us humans are creatures who crave immediate gratification. Instead, your escalated thinking is screaming, "this does not serve me now!" and your anger, grief, and sadness fester. You will fight tooth and nail to figure out how to get what you wanted, often forgetting that perhaps that moment was just that – all you wanted. Perhaps it was not what you needed. Life will always give you what you need. Life always knows what test you are able to take to help you climb your next mountain. There, you will revel at the peak. There, you will see all that you had to endure to get you to this next moment in time.
Your lesson is right around the corner. I encourage you to feel what you feel when you feel it. Feel that hurt, feel that frustration, and feel that sadness. Kick, scream, cry, do your thing. Own those emotions. You may even try and rack your brain and wonder why. But you won't know that for a little bit, as frustrating as that may seem. Hold on tight, and enjoy this little ride. Lean on those who care about you most. Forgive, take the high road, and trust those around you. Be open to new things and understand that life knows better than we do. You will get back on your horse, for you are right where you need to be.
