I often find myself walking on eggshells when I’m in certain situations. If I’m being honest, I think I’m pretty awkward. Actually, I’m usually always awkward. I never know how to stand, I usually don’t know what to do with my hands, I’m the worst dancer ever, and I never know when to smile at someone versus when I need to put my head down. Because of my intense level of awkwardness, I always wonder how some people could be so incredibly normal (at least that’s how it seems from the outside) when I just can’t seem to figure it out.
But honestly, I guess I’m pretty lucky. Throughout my entire life I’ve usually never had a “most embarrassing story” to share during icebreakers and I intend to keep it that way. So, I guess you could say my life isn’t terribly embarrassing, although I have dealt with some cringe-worthy moments along the way. I think that throughout my entire life I have been so worried, so incredibly careful, about how people perceived me to be as a person, that I’ve held myself back. I think a big amount of my awkwardness stems from the fact that I’m so careful in all situations because of how I think people are going to view me.
Now this has been a more recent realization for me as my hand placement dilemma has gotten a lot worse and as I pass people on the way to class I still can’t decide if I’m going to say hi to them or not. As I thought about it, I realized that I shouldn’t have to care how the world sees me because, quite honestly, people are going to judge regardless of what you do. It’s inevitable. I shouldn’t be so worried when talking to people who I want to impress and I shouldn’t conform to what other’s think to be cool when I certainly don’t have the same opinions as them. I need to start being a happier person in my own skin because I know as soon as I accept myself as a person then I’ll be a lot more open, a lot less awkward, and a lot more care-free than the girl I am right now writing this article. I need to start taking my own advice instead of constantly giving it to other people.
Honestly, I think it’s pretty cool to be different. While, at times, feeling so uncomfortable and so awkward in a lot of different situations can be insanely scary, chances are, there are so many people who I surround myself with everyday who deal with these same thoughts that I have.
Moving forward, I’m going to stop walking on eggshells through every situation. More importantly, I’m going to go through every situation incredibly confident without these irrational fears of “am I being too weird?” in the back of my mind. And at the end of the day, while I might still have my awkward tendencies, I intend to keep them with me forever with just a little bit of added confidence in my back pocket.
