I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm a huge fan of Taylor Swift. I distinctly remember cry-signing songs like her "Never Grow Up" as I was mentally preparing to go off into my first year of college, feeling scared and lonely but, most of all, free. And she captured all of those feelings perfectly, all wrapped up in a catchy little jam. What can I say: girl knows her lyrics, and I appreciate me some well written lyrics. From breakups to friendships to the struggles of growing up, Taylor's lyrics have always been able to capture my feelings perfectly. Not to mention the clever little details that make my inner creative writing geek freak the hell out ( "But you keep my old scarf from that very first week, cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me" :using a scarf to symbolize lost love, fire). Say what you want about her, but you can't deny that she is talented.

All of this being said, I'm really struggling to stay on her side right now.

And it's not because I'm not ride or die. In fact, I've supported Taylor through all of the drama that she has been through these past few years. Some of it, I do genuinely believe to be of her own causing, but she has always seemed to apologize, and unlike most people, actually learn something from her mistakes. She has also seemed to really grow from the problematic slut shaming 18-year -old that she used to be ( I know that "You Belong With Me" is bad, but she apologized repeatedly for that and she was 18 for god's sake) into a genuine feminist icon. Which is exactly why this whole Kayne drama is so heartbreaking to me.

If you somehow haven't heard about it, basically Kayne wrote a questionable lyric about Taylor, but asked her permission before actually using it. Taylor denied this ever happening, and went on to shade Kayne for being just another man taking credit for a woman's success. Kayne's wife, Kim Kardashian, was not about to let this stand though, leading her to release Snapchats of Taylor giving her permission to the words that she said she never approved. Basically, Taylor was caught in a huge lie, but it's much more problematic than that.

Because Taylor may actually be right about everything she said about the lyric. In it, Kayne says that he is the reason Taylor is famous, completely discounting all of the talent I talked about earlier. He also says that he thinks he might still sleep with her, which is just another example of sexualizing women for no reason. Don't get me wrong though: I'm not blaming Kayne at all here. Kayne took the time to actually call Taylor to get her approval, a move which is not only highly unprecedented for a rapper, but also just really cool of him. It also suggests that he respects Taylor enough to genuinely want her opinion, and maybe even to try and start a conversation about feminist issues. And sure, he did add the phrase "that bitch" without Taylor's permission, but that only happened after Taylor not only said that the lyric was okay, but also funny. Can you really blame the guy for running with it?

If, like me, you have any problem with the lyric, the only person you can blame is Taylor. How easy would it have been for her to simply say no to it? As someone who claims to represent the struggles of women, she should have immediately recognized the problems with the lyric and let Kayne know why it was not okay ( right then, instead of when accepting her Grammy trophy). And you know what? I genuinely believe that he would have listened. Even if she changed her mind later about it, she should have owned up to initially giving her permission, and then called Kayne to discuss why she changed her mind. Whatever she decided to do, she should not have demonized Kayne the way that she did, which leads me to the other reason that I'm having a hard time letting this whole thing go.

Anyone with eyes and internet access should be able to see that it is a dangerous time to be black in this country. I'm speaking, of course, of the string of recent police shootings of innocent black men, but also of the way of thinking that leads the police to pull that trigger. You know, the thinking that says black people are dangerous and likely to cause trouble. These issues are, obviously, much more high stakes than any award show call out, but the thing is that they aren't completely unrelated. Sure Kayne is wealthy and respected and therefore in a very different world than someone like Freddie Gray, but he is affected by his blackness just the same. Whether it's in ways subtle or dramatic, there are always people looking for reasons to blame the closest black person, like reaching for a gun ( ID) or attacking poor Taylor Swift.

I'm not saying that Taylor is an intentional racist here. I don't think that she specifically chose to demonize Kayne because of his race, but as a smart young woman who preaches togetherness and empowerment, she should have realized the effect that her actions could have, especially from her position of influence. Instead of throwing Kayne under the bus, she could have created a meaningful dialogue about the intersections of race and gender and how it affects her industry. She could have used her beautiful words for something good, instead of for something self serving. She could have said no, baby then she might still have me.