Nothing makes a person feel better or more confident than a great pair of shoes. Whether that shoe is a pair of your finest “fuck me” pumps, or a newly polished Oxford, shoes have the capability of changing how people present themselves. They can exude sex appeal, power, intimidation; even the sound can emanate a tone that could silence an entire room, bring all eyes to your feet of all places. Shoes not only shield your feet from the shit, gum, and shards of debris that litter the street, but can add pizzazz to your, probably, already boring outfit.

Everything that shoes are supposed to do, Birkenstocks fail to accomplish.

Sure, they are like thick flip flops, in the fact that they offer a barrier between your precious feet and the slums of your white suburb or university, which is always nice.

Nevertheless, these shoes have to be the most heinous things I have ever seen in my life. It’s like Jesus decided to launch his own clothing line for the righteous and radically unfashionable. The thick cork-like sole and brown band is unflattering, even on the most beautiful of feet. Don’t even get me started when I see people wear socks with them... You can’t find an outfit that would be enhanced with a pair of the finest Birkenstocks, unless you were a homeless person. However, you can pay to look homeless for the inexpensive price of $100.

I don’t know why or how these shoes are the new “trendy” statement on college campuses. The Jesus Sandal crazy has rocked every sorority girl’s and hipster white guy’s world, as if they invented the fucking Converse. I think the classic Nike shorts, Formals shirt, or black leggings really are the only “appropriate” outfit to accessorize these shoes with. I am all for being comfortable, and Birkenstocks are some comfy fucking shoes, but if you are trying to become a grown adult, you need to dress like one. You are in college, getting jobs, paying rent, working towards your career; start dressing like it.

I love fashion, but I am ready for this trend to get packed away for another 10 years (hopefully more).

SEE ALSO: 11 Reasons Why Birkenstocks Are The Greatest Shoe Ever