Up until about five years ago, I was the last person that should give advice about relationships or love. Let's just say I was not an ideal boyfriend.

I was selfish, not thoughtful, uncompromising, unaffectionate and did just about everything wrong you can imagine. I had no idea about what a healthy relationship looked like and my idea of love was twisted to be all about me. I thought that love meant someone would always make me happy, would think the same way I thought and always agree with me on everything. I wanted someone I could control and would not have a mind of there own.

I never had any positive relationships to look at as an example of what a healthy relationship was. I had seen all the marriages in my family either end in divorce or they just stayed together and were miserable. A relationship in my mind equaled pain and regret. It makes sense that I didn't care about having a lasting relationship or trying to make one work when things got tough.

When the honeymoon phase ended and things became dull or didn't go my way, I checked out. Relationships and people became disposable to me, like everything else in life. When things got old you throw them out and get something new. It was also never my fault when things didn't work out. It was so easy to shift the blame to the other person instead of looking at my own shortcomings.

After a while though, dating with no real purpose became dull and I finally had to think about what was going on in my love life. I realized that having a relationship is a lot like a roller coaster ride, there will be ups and downs and you can't give up the first time things aren't going great.

To have a healthy relationship you have to be able to communicate your feelings, be honest with the other person and not put up a front, care about the other person as much as you care about yourself and realize you don't want someone exactly like you and having differences is a good thing.

I was a clueless idiot for a long time but I finally learned my lesson. I finally have a healthy relationship and while I'm not perfect I've come a long way from how I once was. I still don't know exactly how to describe what love is but when my girlfriend smiles at me I see it and it's a wonderful thing. I wish I hadn't run from it for so many years and think it was this scary thing to be avoided.