To you,

I am sorry for my quirks. I am sorry that I act certain ways. I am sorry that I cannot do certain things. It is just who I am.

I am quirky because of how stressed I get when things are out of place. I keep everything straight and do everything by even numbers. It is one way that I can keep control in my life. When I color code things and I do not have the right highlighter I freak out. I use the same pen and pencil because that is what I am used to. I cannot stay in a messy place for long, I hate it when specific foods touch.

I act the way I act because I am consistently worrying about how others will react. I try my best to avoid confrontation because I have an extremely irrational fear of conflict. I have major trust issues so when I do not tell people certain things it is because I feel like I will be betrayed. I cannot speak quietly because then I get told to talk louder, then when I am too loud I am told to be quieter. I do not know what people want from me. I feel like I can never be myself because people always want different things.

I cannot do certain things because I have been through them. I hate the smell of alcohol and cigarettes. Soda cans opening causes me to go into a brief panic. I hate the smell of roast beef. I do not like people touching me because I just do not enjoy being touched. I do not love giving front hugs. I hate heights because I have a fear of falling. I don't enjoy being the passenger in a car because of another fear of not being in control.

This is what it is like consistently living with anxiety. You are always worried about what your actions cause for other people. Your fears are around every corner. You are always worrying, worrying, worrying. There is no way that I have spent a day not worrying about one thing or another. Anxiety makes a person seem quirky. But it is all about control. Anxiety is one of the causes for constant stress and also a coping mechanism for when life gets too rough for me. When I straighten or clean it makes me feel like I have control over what is going on in my life. When a person has anxiety, their world is constantly chaotic.

When dealing with a person who has anxiety please understand if they start having a meltdown over something small, this means that they are at peak levels and having an anxiety attack. Just sit there and be with them. When a person looks stressed and running around. Be there for them and just tell them that they got this. Ask them if they need help and do it the best that you can. I am telling you that they will appreciate it so much.

People who have anxiety just are not worry-warts, these are people who have experienced more in the world that you never saw in life. Anxiety can be seen in their face, body language and they way they act. Do not treat them any different than us, just be an amazing person for them and they will love you.

This is what it is like to live with anxiety. I know it because I know exactly what it feels to live with anxiety.