Relationships are so complicated, aren't they? There's so many different definitions of what a relationship is, and how a relationship works, so how do you decide that "hey, this is what I'm okay with".
Where would you draw the line? When would you say someone has the right to leave? Two minutes after they start feeling uncomfortable? Two days? Two months? Two years? If you know, please tell me. Please tell me when it would have been okay for you, society, to accept that maybe I deserved to be happy?
Breakups are hard enough, but when society tries to make you feel like you weren't entitled to break up with someone...I think it makes it even more difficult. Some people may end a relationship over something small, but for people to tell me that was the case with me, I honestly don't think it was fair.
I remember getting bad feelings about where my own relationship was going about a year into it, and I even tried ending it then. But what ended up happening? His family, friends, even people I didn't even know were sending me text messages saying how terrible of a person I was, sending me pictures of feces saying that was what I was equivalent to (and that's putting it nicely), telling me I didn't deserve to live, etc. And I sat there thinking, am I really that wrong for wanting my own happiness? But even so, I ignored what warning signs I saw and stayed anyway...the biggest reason being that I thought maybe things would change. But two years later, nothing changed. And so yeah, I left.
Was I really wrong for it though? Would it have been better to keep maintaining a hollow relationship that had no future, which would inevitably end up hurting both of us?
Some may say that all relationships go through "rough patches", and even I agree with that. But how do you decide what is a rough patch, and what is in fact a bad relationship?
Well...I'm not a relationship expert, but I can tell you this: rough patches don't equate to you having to compromise your self respect. Rough patches don't mean that things change for a few days or weeks, and then go back to exactly what they were. Rough patches don't mean that the other person's problems are not problems.
I think what people need to understand is that consciously leaving a relationship is difficult. It's not a decision that happens overnight. It comes from many nights of overthinking. From lots of tears. From a lot of trying to make things work. I know it did for me.
And honestly, sometimes love can't be the only reason someone stays. Just because someone says they love you can't be the only reason you stay. I've learned that all too hard. If you truly love someone, wouldn't you show them that too? Instead of just telling them that you do, and never really proving it?
I don't know what love is exactly, even after all this. But I know this.
He said he loved me. And for the longest time I believed him. Looking back, maybe that was my biggest mistake. Believing in a love that never really existed. Believing in a person that never really existed. Because to me, no matter how much he showed me he didn't love me, I still gave him all of me. I know I did it because I hoped one day he'd change. Maybe one day he'd wake up and realize just how much he was mistreating me. But that day never came. But in retrospect, I'm glad he left. I'm happy now.
And I know that I'm not wrong for it. Hurting yourself everyday for someone that claims to love you, is never worth it. It may be hard letting them go, because there are so many memories associated with them but in the end, I've realized that choosing yourself isn't wrong. Choosing someone else, and moving on isn't wrong either.
Because it IS your life. You're the one that's going to have to wake up and be okay with the decision you made.
Don't be afraid to walk away from someone that has done nothing but destroy you. One day, you may realize you can't find yourself anymore, because you spent so much time running after something and someone that never existed.
