So this past weekend I went home for fall break and the number question I got was, "So what have you learned in college so far?" or some variation of that. And I of course responded with what classes I was taking and gushed about how much I love my Rhetoric class and how I feel like this is the first time in awhile that I actually really love and am interested in what I'm learning. But that's not what I've really taken out of these past two months so far, at least not all of it.
College has forced me to stop looking both ways before crossing the street. For the past two months, I've secretly been hoping that someone would hit me with their car, even just a little bump, just so I could make them pay for some of my tuition. That's sad. I'm not really sure if this is the type of recklessness that everyone kept telling my I'd be taking part of while I was in college, but this is where my frame of mind is right now so we're just gonna have to deal with it for now.
Now that may seem a little silly, but college has also made me do one incredible important thing that I've been putting off for some time now.
Above everything else, college has forced me to be present. And I don't mean just showing up to class just to say that I went to class.
Last year, I was constantly missing school and worrying about things that I now realize were completely out of my control. Sometimes making it to school for only half of the day was the best I could do before wearing myself out and going back home. And even when I was in class, I was always worried about something or someone, basically anything and everything except what I was actually learning at the time. My mind was constantly fixated on the future or the past, but never on the present. Looking back, I can't tell you about all of the stories and fun times that I shared with my friends during lunch time last year, but I can tell you what test I was studying for or how much I anticipated the end of school just so I could go and nap or watch an episode of Law and Order: SVU on Netflix.
If there's one thing that I regret about these last four years, it's not that I didn't hit the whip on the stage at graduation, (but that is definitely up there) it's that I never really spent time with other people while being outside of my own head. It's that I put so much energy in just attending things, instead of actually being present.
So even though college has forced me to say a quick prayer every time I cross the street, it's also forced me to be aware of why I'm crossing the street in the first place. Sometimes it's so I can go see my friends around our favorite table in Memo to enjoy awful jokes and of course Ms. Mei's cookies. Maybe it's because I can't go a day without receiving some type of insult from Sammi, so meeting her at Moody for a 5-hour study session on a Sunday sounds like a prize and a punishment at the same time. Or maybe it's because I'm going to live life on the Edge with my fellow members of the Golden Wave Band, where I sweat just as much as a laugh for two hours every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
If there's one thing that I've learned in college it's that there will always be another paper to write, or test to study for. But for now, just be where you are. Be present. Be active. Living life isn't about just going through the motions, it's about doing them with a purpose and an excitement. You were put on this earth to do more than just exist. So go be present and live.
