In the last week or so, a video has been shared across social media, especially Facebook, of a two-year-old baby girl, whose mother asks "Do you want to try Wasabi?" When the little girl declines, the mother prompts her again. She declines once more, but then her mother brings the spoon close to the baby's face so she can "smell it first". As all babies do, the little girl opens wide and puts the spoon in her mouth. Immediately, you can see her expression change to regret. She looks at her mother again and says "Help" before the clip ends. If you haven't seen it, you can watch here:
As you can see, the young child declines the mother's offer-- and not just once. If that was my child, I personally would have ended it there because the choice was offered and she chose no. Why keep pressing? Why even bring the spoon close enough to her face for her to smell it? I realize that it seems ridiculous to look so deeply into this, and I'm not going to say that this is "child abuse" or "cruel". But I will say that it's wrong.
If you think about it, there are many parallels between this video and a scenario of sexual assault. Let's think about this. This little girl was asked "Do you want to try Wasabi?" and replied no. Similarly, individuals who may fall victim to sexual assault or rape do not consent to the actions their perpetrator inflict on them. They say no. They say stop. They say they don't want to. And yet the perpetrator, in many circumstances, proceeds with their intentions and leave the same way this parent decided to ignore the little girl's choice. Why does it matter? You might think that she won't remember this anyway, so why make a big fuss about it? The mom didn't give her a lot of wasabi, so who cares? She didn't even cry!
The truth is, there are so many excuses we could make up for the actions of this mother. We could excuse her all day long, but that doesn't make it okay for her to send the message to her daughter that her word alone is not enough. That's precisely what survivors of sexual assault and rape feel: that their verbalization or lack of consent (which can only be given if he or she explicitly says "yes") was not enough. Regardless of not being interested in the sex, he or she had to have it anyway because the perpetrator wanted to. Again, this mirrors the message hidden the video; regardless of not being interested in the wasabi, the child had to have it anyway. The reason why her mother chose to bring it to her face is unbeknownst to me and I will not assume, but the reason why does not matter. What does matter is the fact that this little girl's "cute" reaction is receiving attention for the wrong reasons.
To this baby's mother, I hope you read this. I hope you see the deeper meaning behind the video because God forbid anything happens to your little girl in the future that she does not want, I would like to believe that you would tell her that her choice is enough. Tell your little girl she has a voice that means something, that has power, that can make decisions that have substance. Change your message to her. This may have been a video with the best of intentions, but that's what they all say. And if your daughter, down the road, finds herself in an unfortunate, horrible situation that she used her words to try to get out of, I pray they will be enough, more impactful, and more influential. Unlike their impact here.
