Mark Manson describes the attachment theory as "the nature in which infants get their needs met by their parents significantly contributes to their 'attachment strategy' throughout their lives."
I learned about the attachment theory in my diverse family systems course. Discovering my attachment style allowed me to better understand myself and my relationships. The importance of knowing your attachment strategy varies from person to person. This knowledge may allow you to improve the relationships in your life.
1. Secure Attachment Style
The key word: secure. When you are the secure attachment type, you are comfortable giving affection. My teacher explained it using children and their parents. If you cried, someone came to pick you up and comfort you. They were a constant. Therefore, you will form secure attachments toward others in adulthood. You will have little trouble forming trust with others.
2. Anxious Attachment Style
The anxious attachment type is basically the boyfriend that follows you home from school making sure you don't speak to any other guys. It's the girl that calls you 100 times until you answer. These are more extreme aspects of this attachment type. However, the paths that lead people to get like this are quite sad. Back to the child/parent analogy: when you cried, sometimes your parent was there, but sometimes they weren't. However, when your parents/caregivers were there, it was extremely negative.
3. Avoidant Attachment Style
The avoidant attachment style is also exactly what is sounds like. These individuals are extremely independent and avoid contact at all costs. You prefer to be alone and are usually introverted. You dislike commitment, so your daily life revolves around that. You are always planning exit strategies and need backups (which is quite smart). Using the child/parent analogy: when you cried as a child, no one came to your rescue.
4. Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style
The anxious-avoidant attachment is a mix of avoidant and anxious. Once again, using the child/parent analogy, sometimes your parent would come when you cried, sometimes they would not. This causes you to fear any type of intimacy AND have major trust issues.
Honestly, it is possible to be a mix of the attachment styles. One size does not fit all. Also, these attachment styles do not define you. It is merely important to recognize your personal patterns that stem from matters outside your control and work toward self-improvement and self-awareness. Once you are an adult, you are in control. You cannot blame your parents forever.
