Types of Drunks: The Female Edition
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Types of Drunks: The Female Edition

Types of Drunks: The Female Edition

When someone turns 21, it is my assumption that any normal college kid will be whisked off to the bars with his or her friends and not pay for a single drink that night. At least, in my experience, that’s what everyone does instead of going to another frat party in a heavily over-crowded dirty house. Both scenes have their differences, but at most college drinking functions, there’s something you can always find: drunk people. 

If you've ever been to one of these types of places, you will have noticed that there are different types of drunk people. Some people are different types depending on the night, and even what type of alcohol they are having. They aren't necessarily like this when they are sober, but nevertheless, for this article, we will be going over the different types of drunk girls. 

The Make-Out Queen:

This girl doesn't really do anything wrong. She drinks her hooch and causes no harm to anyone. She’ll find a guy to dance and make out with while giving all the signs that she wants to go home with him. In reality, she has no such plans, and when it’s time to leave, her big will come peel her off whatever guy’s leg she’s been dry humping all night while she whispers “call me later.” It’s something you can look back and laugh at the next day.

The More Than Make-out Queen:

This girl is going out tonight with one thing on her mind. She’s going to strut her stuff and get every guy she can to make a pass at her, and everyone knows it. She’s going to go home with someone, no matter what it takes. She’ll try to make it nonchalant, but she’s two drinks away from walking straight up to her pick of the night. Nothing like a good ole fashioned dibs call.  

The Crier:

This girl is tricky. It seems like the two of you are dancing and having a great time; and maybe you are. However, the second you two go outside to get some fresh air and get away from the crowd, she starts bawling about something indecipherable to you. All you can do is hope your condolences work quickly and try to go back inside to shout over the music.         

The Mother Goose:

This girl is going to try to keep tabs on every other girl she came to the party with. Good luck holding a decent conversation with this one, because every two or three minutes, she’s going to run off and check on someone. The other people probably don’t need to be watched that closely, or even at all, but she seems to think differently. She’ll make sure those people are exactly where they were two minutes ago, leaving you with no one to talk to but the drink in your hand.

The Kinsey Scale Queen:

This girl is just like every other girl when you think about it. She fits right into just about every crowd, even the ones you may not expect. Give this one a cocktail or two, and she’ll be more ready for a bet to make out with one of her pledge sisters than half the guys in the house. Her defense is that it’s funny to watch all the people stare while she kisses another girl, but it still leaves everyone wondering who had more enjoyment from it. Come daylight, she’ll act like nothing ever happened and won’t speak of it, but next weekend everyone will be waiting to see what happens.  

The Dude:

This girl is actually kind of fun to be around. Once she’s had a few, she’ll have the 'nads to try and keep up with the boys and even make a competition out of it. She’ll demand people to take shots and challenge everyone to shotgun a beer with her. (She also tends to be a bit of a sore winner.) Despite the teasing she takes, she can hang with just about anyone there and lets everyone know it. It’s mildly entertaining until you get in the way of her quest for binge drinking dominance. She’ll then trample over you like the peasant you are. You better bring your A-game if you want to hang out with this one.    

So as always, have a few drinks and have a good time. We all have different interpretations of what “a few” is, but just remember to drink responsibly and don’t spill the damn thing. 

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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