@lsquad27 Also concerned about the prof i just saw riding his bike but with his mouth open to catch snowflakes 

@BeeDevon we've made eye contact at least twice this month just date me already

@dat_abb if spiders can sit on the web all day then so can i.

@JasonEisentraut No joke I just saw someone cross country skiing to their class. #whydowestillhaveclass

@BadAdviceDog Want to get rid of a hangover? Try cocaine.

@olivia_maloney6 Officially decided to drop out and just marry into the mafia and live a really cool life with a really rich Italian man

@HowLilWayneRaps Threw a lamp at a bish, told her to lighten up

@TooSratTati plot twist: I'm not stick anymore

@Oh_EmmaGee sorry your hamster died. Such a shame he fell asleep at the wheel

@Chloe_ARhodes Wait so you're telling me that translating Shakespeare is going to help me teach 1st graders? Oh

@UberFacts Staying awake for 17 hours has the same effect on your body as drinking 2 glasses of wine.

@spodermenpls am guna win an olympic medul fer havin teh most sweg

@melissajo55 I just got quarantined outside by a pack of squirrels.

@TFLN (925): I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.

@Things4WhitePpl Making a beak out of Pringles

@sorrynotsorryy i am pretty much 3% human and 97% stress

@BeeDevon walk into the club like wait nevermind can we go home

@Dory balloons are so weird like happy birthday here's a plastic sack of my breath

@schreibette Can someone drive me to a shamrock shake?