Almost everyone is insecure about something, whether it is how their ears stick out or their nose is too big. Even more people obsess over their weight and how they look in clothes. It is crushing to compare yourself to other people, but yet everyone does it. A lot of girls envy the swimsuit ready bodies, the curves with no stretch marks, the size 2 jeans. Society and social media tells us this is what is beautiful and desired.
I can tell you right now your jean size does not define you. The way your body looks in a mirror does not reflect back who you are. The way you fill your clothes does not hinder your personality. With those things being said, I still know those things can kill your mood when you pass a mirror. I know these things will have you avoiding wearing anything besides sweatpants and a t-shirt because you feel secure in them. These things will have you standing in a corner at a social event because you want to make yourself small because you think your body is taking up too much room.
Growing up you never felt tiny, and the "baby weight" never fell off. You never grew into it, just grew into your insecurities. Growing up you prayed that you would not have to ever change clothes in front of people and that you would never have to borrow someone else's clothes. You never wanted people to know your real weight and what you looked like without the baggy clothes.
Trying on clothes is a different type of pain and horror. Having to keep going up sizes and not finding anything is heartbreaking, and it is even more heartbreaking looking in the mirror and seeing what you do not want to see. The next heartbreaking thing is when people ask if you have tried to lose the weight or try to tell you how to do so. Because sometimes you tried hard and that particular method is not working for you. They mean well for the most part, but it is discouraging, embarrassing and makes you feel like you are taking up even more space.
It is hard to not be your "ideal weight". It is hard to avoid mirrors, avoid eating big portions in front of people and hard to love yourself. It is hard to feel comfortable in your own skin, and it is hard to be happy with yourself. Ever since you were young you were told how you should look and if you do not fit into that box, you find it hard to fit into anything.
When it comes down to it, you have to find it within yourself to be comfortable in your own body. Whether it is losing weight so you can finally stop crying when you think you eat too much, or growing confidence so that you are okay with your body. Bottom line is it is your body, and it holds more than just your weight. It holds everything that makes you who you are, a vessel filled with personality, character, talents, things that can not be measured negatively.
