I walk slowely down the hallway with my head down in hopes no athletes will notice me in fear of them picking on me for being a band kid. They don't realize that's the only reason that I am able to pay for college because my life isn't as easy as getting my whole college experience paid for. I worked so hard to get to where I am only to be shut down by people who don't respect what I do. But this is okay because I'm not an athlete, so I must nod my head and agree.
People wonder why I never seem to have money, even though I worked a job my whole summer. I put my family before I ever would myself. Your parents pay your bills for you? Good for you, I help pay the bills to make sure I have a roof over my head and food on the table. Don't you dare shame me for making sure my family has what they need because not everyone is born privilaged.
My anxiety takes up so much of my life and people don't understand it. Yes, I do want to go out, but my head is telling me that I can't do it. Some days it is so hard to even crawl out of bed to face human interaction. If I do bad on anything, I must punish myself because that's what my anxiety tells me to do. Oh, you're yelling at me? Okay, that's cool I'll just go cry in my room for the rest of the night. Relationships? Nope can't do that because people think I just want attention. I wish people would take the time to understand what anxiety does to a person.
I'm constantly scared to eat around people because of the fact I'm already thick as it is. "Briana, you should try to eat less it will help with your weight." Do people know how much that actually hurts a person. Being big is so hard and people don't understand that not everyone is going to be skinny. I can barely take how intolerable being told that is. Yes, I want to be skinny but I also want to love myself so please keep your looks to yourself.
I don't consider myself a band nerd, but I know band is my passion. I love music in every feeling possible and performing is my way of expressing myself. Everyone should take consideration that I work hard to. It's not easy playing flute at all, it takes so much skill and effort. So it's not a sport but I love it as much as athletes love their sports. Please don't bash me for trying to make people happy through music.
I'm beyond perfect and I know that I can't please everyone. I make the best of situations and everyone goes through different things in life and people need to understand that. I will always be a people person and I will try to be frinds with everyone. I'm on this journey to loving myself and I know god will lead to where I'm suppose to be and that's okay.