I have always been a hopeless romantic, and could never imagine a time in my life where I would not want to find my person. I spent so much time dreaming of the person who would understand me like no one else, and always be there for me (and I them), and I have been in relationships consistently for the past almost eight years.

It was when I got out of a three and a half year relationship about ten months ago that things changed, and every day since then, that change has gotten stronger.

While I was in that relationship, I was not unhappy, and loved spending time with him, but always talked of things I wanted to do, hobbies I wanted to pick up, books I wanted to read, and so on, but never did. When that relationship ended, it was almost overwhelming the amount of time that was on my hands.

I tried dipping my toes into some of those interests I always wanted to pursue, and then jumped in head first. I have spent so much time with these new hobbies that I have fallen in love with, and now, I am terrified to find someone. I know myself, and know what those feelings are like. They take over everything.

But I don't want to be taken over.

I want to pursue these loves, see places, and keeping learning about myself.

I find myself actively avoiding situations or places where I feel like I could meet someone (and COVID has certainly been on my side with this). This may sound crazy, but it's what I know I need.

Maybe this is something that other people can relate to, and maybe not, but I will say that you shouldn't waste your time being single, being lonely. Fill those holes with different kinds of loves, and before you know it, all of the spaces within you will be filled.