The Secret To A Good Relationship... Starts With You
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Politics and Activism

The Secret To A Good Relationship... Starts With You

The moment you start to love yourself, is the moment others can share that love with you.

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The Secret To A Good Relationship... Starts With You
Ashleigh Robinson

In college, there can be a lot of pressure to be in a relationship. Your relationship status is always a topic at the dinner table when you go home and your grandma can’t stop insisting that if you don’t get married soon, you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. Do not fret, you won’t be alone the rest of your life. Because over time, I’ve realized that the secret to a good relationship, is to have a good relationship with yourself.

I have been dating my current boyfriend for two years now, and I can assure you that I’m no love expert. I am, however, very observant and I’ve worked on looking into my relationship to see why it has worked so well compared to some of my friend's fleeting affairs.

When I started dating my boyfriend, I had (and still have) a clear idea of who I am and what I need from others. I, in no way, have my whole life figured out or even know what I’m eating for dinner tonight, but I know what I need to feel loved and I know what I’m willing to do to make others feel loved.

Some of my friends that are looking for relationships are continuously disappointed when their most recent fling ends. When they talk to me about them, a similar theme arises: One or both of the folks involved in the relationship didn’t know what they needed from it or weren't honest about their needs.

Example: One of my best friends thought she really liked a guy that she met in one of her classes. They started texting each other and one weekend he invited her out to a party. She is not really the partying type and isn’t really a fan of large social situations, so I knew this was going to be a disaster.

He's in a fraternity and is a very social guy that likes to party quite frequently, so all signs were pointing to disappointment in my eyes. She was excited, so I did my best to be excited for her.

They ended up going to the party together and she texted me the whole evening about how bad of a time she was having, not because he wasn’t nice or anything, but because she spent the whole night feeling like she had to lie about what she thought of their... activities.

They talked about it and she eventually told him that she doesn't enjoy going to big parties. He explained that he was fine with that and said they could also do things she enjoys -- such as going to the movies and cooking.

They tried to work things out for a month and a half when finally he decided that her style wasn’t exciting enough for him. They simply weren’t honest with each other about what they needed from the relationship.

It's okay to not be sure what you want from a relationship. If you just want to hook up (responsibly) without a dating relationship, that is absolutely fine. But the key to making any kind of relationship work is to be fair to yourself from the beginning.

If you know you are looking for someone to Netflix and chill with you, be upfront and honest with the person from the outset. If you are looking to get married by the end of your four years in college, make sure they know you aren’t dating just to date.

You owe it to yourself and to the other person to be yourself and expect the same. In the end, if you are both being yourselves, there’s no room for animosity


or hard feelings if things don’t work out. The moment you start to love yourself, is the moment others can share that love with you.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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