I want to know, what really ties us to someone? What really stops us from waking up one day and never texting that person again? Is it just the idea that we should respect each other enough to have the decency to not do that?
What other tie is there, besides the fact that ideally you shouldn't want to hurt that person? But nothing is written in stone. And no commitment has been made. So you could just walk away. It sounds pretty bad to walk away from someone you convinced you cared about, but there's no rule saying that isn't allowed.
I guess it ultimately comes down to respect. Because yeah, it's all fun and games until something goes wrong, and you hope that this fun and awesome person you opened up to values you as a person the way you transparently value them. Yet the reality that you don’t hits you like a ton of bricks.
Sometimes you think you're on the same page, or at least the same chapter, but then their actions prove to you that the attention you've received, which you thought was truly genuine, is the same attention they'd give a rock.
We all think we can be the one to change someone, in someway. This is probably a huge factor for why some of us might hold on for dear life rather than just walking away. As my dear friend Carrie Bradshaw said, “I realized you could change a man. You could change him into not calling you.”
Holding on to someone with the goal only being to change them, just isn't going to happen. Walk away. Actually, run away. I kept trying to change this guy into the man I knew he could be, but I can’t make him grow up and wait until he gets all his wiggles out. It’s been months now, and I still wish he would tell me what I’ve waited to hear. So, yeah, I need to listen to my own advice. But, damn, it’s hard.
He’ll show a glimmer of hope, but then it’s gone in an instant. And I’m tied to him because I want him to turn into somebody I’m convinced he could be. And he’s tied to me because he knows I don’t have it in me to ever say no to him. But those aren’t reasons to stay tied to someone. That’s not a relationship, that’s not romance, that’s not love.
Then there are the guys who fall off the face of the Earth and you never really find out why. Perhaps that Tinder guy you hit it off with. Constant messaging over the app leads to constant texting. He projects sincerity when you tell him about the Miami trip you and your best friend are planning. And you unknowingly keep it up when he tells you about the movie night he had with his brother and you gush to him about how cute his evening sounded. You fall asleep one night and by the time you wake you can almost feel it in the air. The page turned. He never texts you again. Why?
We don’t know what was happening on his end. Maybe he was talking to 3 girls all at the same time? Maybe his ex called him up begging to give it another chance? Maybe he got bored? Maybe he was just trying to pass the time but just downloaded a new game on his phone instead?
The reality is you’re not getting an explanation because he doesn’t actually need to give one. But little does he know you were talking to 4 other guys and have 2 dinner dates already lined up this week. And that’s something you’ll never have to explain to him as to why you too dropped him like a bad habit.
No one is really tied to each other, no matter how much we might wish we were sometimes. We’re all just bopping around pretending like we know what we are doing at any given moment. But just like a game of tug-of-war, the knot/tie stays equally in the middle when both parties are contributing the same amount of strength, energy, and effort.
You do you.
