Relationships are work but they’re worth it if you’re willing to keep a good balance. The biggest misconception about relationships is that you immediately need to give your all. Well, hate to break your little league “all or nothing” motto but in relationships that is not always the case. You should not be a fully bloomed flower instantly in every relationship. That is how you quickly run out of petals. You’ve plucked them all on the spot so quickly you’re just a feeble stem, blowing in the wind of influence.

Aside from the metaphors, relationships are about growing. Going through seasons that you notice a NATURAL change going on. These are changes that allow you to gradually open up different parts of yourself to this person over time. Everything should not be changing in relationships. Only Barbie has the luxury of fashionably changing identities without looking like a sociopath. When finding your relationship in full swing, make sure you aren’t striking out these things about yourself:

1.Your Friends

There is nothing worse than being label as “that” friend that completely forgets about her girlfriends because she is in a relationship. Girls know when they’re being ignored and they usually will be the first ones to call you out on it. You need your friends. They were there when you were single so they should still be relevant when you’re in a relationship. And what if it doesn’t work out? Do you want to be alone picking up the pieces or have friends there getting their hands dirty too? Keep your click.

2.You Time

Having time for yourself isn’t selfish it’s actually quite the opposite. The idea of balance is that you’re contributing time to everything that matters to you. You should be at the top of the list of priorities because you’re the main event. Even if you spend your time is taking a yoga class, writing, reading comics, anything, you need to still keep that time for yourself. This will deflect the all-to-well feeling of being suffocated. People feel like they don’t have space in a relationship because they have failed to make it. You introduce yourself as a person who doesn’t have “me” time so how do you expect your partner to know that it’s something that you do? Time for yourself is the key to being able to tolerate everyone else.

3.) Your Routine

Now this doesn’t mean that you have to keep brushing your teeth at the same time every evening or that you can’t sleep with your favorite stuffed animal. This means that if you have a normal routine on let’s say a work day, keep it. If you see your parents on the weekends, still continue to do that. If you stray so far away from your normal routine, you’ll start to feel out of whack and you’ll start to blame your relationship. You can still have some spontaneity in your life while still staying consistent with a routine that keeps you going.

4.)Your Look

We are all born to be who we are. Hopefully, you were being yourself when you were courted by the person you are in a relationship with because then you can act natural. A relationship shouldn’t nitpick at your physical features. Looks are skin dip. And while maybe something physical about you attracted your partner, it shouldn’t be the only thing carrying the relationship. If you find yourself continuously being ridiculed for how you look in a relationship, pump the breaks and really evaluate if this a relationship worth being in.

Relationships come in all different shapes and sizes. The trick isn’t to necessarily fit into them but to allow them to fit with you. Relationships are a journey to a new part of life without erasing the path already traveled.