This is it. I'm not going to hold anything back and I'm not going to hide any secret I have hidden for the past couple years. If you want to talk about an emotional roller coaster of feelings then this is it. There will be no sugar coating this and not making this love story better than what actually happened. There is always two part to this story, two motives, two reasons because we were two different people. This story is my motive and my reasoning on what happened in my perceptive... This is the truth and my truth

The Past That Change Us, Part 1

I still miss him. He was who I thought was the one. That was almost 5 years ago. Today I'm 500 miles away sitting in my senior year of college just turning 21, nine months before I start teaching and move back home. Why was he so important to me? He was the one I was set to marry and the one I have fell for. Today he is back home in Michigan and I'm down in Nashville Tennessee. Life has a funny way of doing things. I still got pictures of those years in the bottom of a photo album containing pictures of my family and of Him. It's almost impossible to move on from someone you have loved so dearly for so many years but, life has a funny way of fixing its self. This dimly lit room was my dorm for the past three years. I am coming home this Christmas for the first time. I have missed so much since I left home.

I look around, Ash is not back in the dorm yet. She is such a slob, clothes were strewn across the room and her bed was never made, this kills my minor OCD, however it feels like home. When I was younger I was so naive and stupid. As I grew older my stupidity levels started to decline and I started to see life like it is: Nothing will ever be as easy as before 18. Life is a shithole of choices and decisions you conjure up and pray it works out in your favor. I shut my laptop and get up. It's fall and the leaves are begging to turn red, gold and brown. Its like people in the middle of the night went around a dripped paint along the tops and it's running down coloring it completely.

It's almost noon. I need to get out of this dorm. I sigh and get packed before I leave the dorm room and head outside. The temperature is in the mid-eighties today and I'm in jeans and a tee shirt. Wafting in the air smells of pie and cinnamon rolls fill the cafeteria. luckily this place was all you can eat for how much this college cost me, and I was going to get my money out of it. I stand in the small cafe looking at the options and then grab a tray. I get a cinnamon roll and salad with ham on top along with a few other items. I spot Aron sitting at his table eating, I walk over and sit down beside him. He doesn't notice with his music blaring into his earbuds and his nose in a calculus book. He was like the Shermar Moore of college and my best friend. I nudge my hand on his thigh. He looks up and smiles taking out an earbud.

"Well hello beautiful, looking for something?" He said winking.

"No I ain't wanting anything, my bed is full with me myself and I," I said rolling my eyes before eating and He let out a small chuckle before he replied, "Well damn, I guess another lonely night with myself then."

Aron was a good friend of mine since my freshman year here and it was probably why we haven't dated. He was going to the math department in secondary teaching... I, however, thought he was as mad as the Hatter in Alice. This year he was coming to my home for Thanksgiving because his parents were visiting the Bahamas. Mom hasn't met him and so the second she sees him she will be on me for why I haven't dated him. If I had my way I'd date him.. I just never had the guts too.

The rest of the day we headed to our comp class, this class was just filled with us messaging each other back from the opposite sides of the room. I am passing this class with a 98% and I honestly don't know how in the bloody hell I am. The clocked ticked by...I don't know why I choose to do all afternoon classes... After class at least I will be able to go work out.

I run upstairs into my dorm to grab my clothes. I grab a hair tie that laid on my desk and threw my hair into a high ponytail. My hair only went past my shoulders by a few inches so It was still pretty short. My bangs fell to the side naturally. With the workout bag in my hand, I quickly flipped off the lights and ran out of the dorm heading to the gym.

The gym was empty today. It was due to a lot of people getting ready to pack and leave for Thanksgiving. I run into the bathroom at the far end of the complex. The center of the room was the rock wall with three stories filled with swimming pools, boxing equipment, and a full-size track. I change into a blue tank top and some black shorts. I look into the mirror before I head out adjusting my hair. I looked so different than from my freshman year. I lost over 50 pounds and I got the hourglass shape all girls kinda wanted. I was down to 197 and for a white girl, I got blessed. I headed out to the gym track and started to stretch out. The room was nice. I hated to run. It's something I never liked but, now it's a mental thing, how fast can I run and how many calories can I burn. I ran from my past, my thoughts, myself...

Feeling my body ache to stop I push harder. I have the world tuned out by the music of hard rock screaming in my ears. I run till my legs gave out. I sit down, My heart racing and sweat dripping down the right side of my temple. I get up and do a walking lap around the track. I could see the football field through the glass window witch went along half the track. I could see Aron out on the field... He was the quarterback of the team. I still could not believe that he and I became friends.

We met at a party... I was outside smoking a joint and drinking a beer. He was the guy across the yard playing football with the guys. He came over and was the cockiest son of a bitch that I saw. He took my cigarette took a puff.

I rolled my eyes snatched it, "Why don't you go to the store and get your own pretty boy?"

He laughed, "Pretty boy huh?"

I half smiled, "Yes, pretty boy. What are you gonna do about it?"

He simply took it back kissed me and said thank you. I sat there sobering up unsure what to actually do. I could feel my face red.

"Aron."

I looked up, "What? What did you say?"

"Aron Prescott, you are?" He held out his hand, I took it, "Mia Anderson"

"Well, Maybe I could get your number?"

"Why?"

"You are like the only white girl I have laid eyes on and thought 'Danm I wonder what she's like' So can I get your number? I'll buy you coffee."

"Fine... I expect coffee though."

I never got that coffee, but I did get a friend, and an unlimited stack of pancakes at IHop. Close enough. I change my clothes and head outside to meet him by the field. He was finishing practice and I just messed around on my phone. He seemed to take such a long time. And they said girls took long... Aron finally came out and spotted me.

"Hey beautiful," he chuckled, "Are you sure you like waiting for everyday on me?"

"Yep... your the guy who still hasn't given me coffee yet," I laughed nudging him.

"Jeez still hung up on that are ya? I think it's because you love me and enjoy seeing this body every day.. however that hard to get self of yours is gonna ease up and I am gonna marry you," he snicked in all cockiness that he could conjure up with. I smacked him to only remember he is 50 pounds of pure muscle and I pay for it in result.

I clenched my hand and kept my face as expressionless as I could... He knew I liked him but, he knew some of the past and how I don't give easy... That's why he is coming home with me instead of hanging here. He was saving me from a reunion of hell and heartbreak... Three years that I have avoided for so long.

We headed back into the dorms to get our bags packed tomorrow we leave for Michigan. The night carried on. We went to a party at Hannah's that night. He played football and I watched smoking a cig and drinking. I didn't used to smoke or drink.. crap happens and habits form. I grab another beer and open it up. Chris Brown blasted throughout the house. This house was what you expect the governor's daughter to live in. 10 bedrooms, two stories, indoor hot tub, and a pool wrapped up in a white house. This all in the middle of nowhere Tennessee.

The night passed by that I don't remember most of it, I got high with a few junkies and drank two or three beers... Bad habits don't die easy.

Later that night we headed back I could tell I was tipsy because Aron had to hold my waist to ensure I didn't wander. Oh my god, his hands felt so good around my waist. Tipsy... fun.

"You need to choose one... You continue to smoke and drink you're going to wander off before I can get you home safe," He said kissing the back of my head. I might have been slightly drunk but, I could hear the frustration in his voice. His voice went so low... He cared for me... just we never made a move.

"Okay, I'm sorry... I'll only choose one, for now, one so I don't stumble into someone else pants."

"Thank you."

"Your welcome."

He walked me to my three-story dorm, the campus was so pretty. He opened the door leading me to my door room, He stood there on the outside holding my waist looking at me, "Are you sure you're okay?" I nod my head, "Positive. I will be packed and ready before you get here at ten. " He kissed the top of my head. "I love you," he muttered, "Stop getting drunk every week." I half smiled and walked into the dorm and fell onto my bed. I loved him... I need to stop hurting him as I've done for the last three years...